Affluenza

It's so easy to become lethargic, lackadaisical, or complacent. Life can be trying and exhausting. It's only natural that people would seek an escape or break.

For some reason us humans need and crave this journey for personal fulfillment. Sort of our new age version of manifest destiny. We're trained and conditioned to achieve and accomplish to not only satisfy ourselves but also those around us.

Unfortunately for some they are either enabled or entitled to avoid any of these lessons of life. Many times a coddling parent enables them to have no adversity or challenges to grow from. Children in these situations believe they are entitled to be too good to have to endure the same challenges of their peers.

The problem comes when they have to function on their own or interact in a team environment with their peers. We see it all the time with one example being in kids sports. In this example a young boys parents have told him over and over how great he is. Since a parents words to their children is like gospel he believes this inflation of his ego to be true. He runs out onto the field oozing confidence. Then comes the moment he isn't as successful as he thought he would be. But instead of a dose of reality mommy or daddy or both blame everything and everyone else except their inaccurate portrayal of his skills.

Instead, they should have leveled with jr. from the beginning. They should have explained to him that nothing is guaranteed. That he can achieve anything but only with hard work and dedication. Parents and others sometimes fear for the child's confidence and psyche to the point where they lie to them. Trust me, I truly do know what it's like to look down at your child who has tears flowing down their face. Wanting with all of your being to take the pain away. Don't do it! Kids are not only resilient but also strong. Be real with your kids don't coddle or inflate their egos. You'll only impair their future ability to cope and adapt.

I'm no psychologist and I won't pretend to have some special gift. But I am real and authentic with my kids. Maybe I have been too real to their detriment. Maybe I have taken away their vision of the world being their oyster. But I'd rather have a realistic fighter than someone with a false sense of entitlement. I'm not advocating for recognition or awards, simply pointing out that I know what not to do in this situation. From an early age I've taught my kids responsibility, reality, and gray areas. This does not take into account their mother or other influences. Only my attempt at preventing them from going into their adult word unprepared for reality.

There's currently a story about a teen from Texas named Ethan Couch. When he was 16 he drove his truck into a crowd and killed four people while driving drunk. The judge ruled that the teen suffered from affluenza and could not be held responsible for his actions because he never learned accountability as a child. He dis no jail time but received 10 years probation. Wait a minute....

Are we really at a point in our society where people are not going to be held accountable because they were never held accountable?

Where does it stop?

Wait, there's more. He apparently didn't take the situation seriously (surprise right) and was filmed playing beer pong. The video got to the courts and before he was brought back him and his mother disappeared. Story has it that there was even a going away party before they left. It does not surprise me that many of the Couch's friends and family valued the four people's lives so little that they supported him and his mother evading responsibility. They were caught a couple days after Christmas in Puerta Vallarta. They're being turned over to authorities in Texas.

People have been freaking out about the judges decision on only probation, but this should be interesting. He violated his probation so will he now have to do time? Will his mother do any time in jail?

I continue to believe we're in a new age in the US and world. I know, every generation says that. But I can't imagine what we'll do with another trillion people in a few years. Should be interesting. Below is a link to the story where baby Ethan and his mommy are caught in Mexico.

Behind every sociopath and serial killer is a sick and coddling enabler mommy. Ok, maybe not all but I promise it's a large amount.

https://www.yahoo.com/gma/affluenza-teen-ethan-couch-detained-mexico-officials-120721898--abc-news-topstories.html?nhp=1

I miss Eazy E

I miss Eazy E. Some people are already like, what crazy shit is danny going to write this time. My ingredients are all over the place. From Johnny Cash to Tupac I enjoy just about every genre. I don't hate on others tastes that aren't mine, because it's all opinion. I might not understand opera and wonder what the fascination is, but that doesn't mean it's irrelevant. 

So I miss the days when things were a little more simple than they are today. Political correctness is such a strange thing.  I've realized that the media is the driving force behind the version of fact and what opinions should be. I could list many examples. The biggest being what they decide to write. 

Let's use Yahoo as an example. We used to read from a newspaper or magazine but now we scroll. The difference is that with a newspaper I know what section Sports is and the same with weather and stocks. In a magazine I skip to the page of the story I want to read. On a website like Yahoo I can't help but read through the titles of articles while looking for an article that I would want to read. 

I catch an article about the Kardashians. On the link there is a picture of a kardashian and a title about some stuff that I guess I could care less about which is sad. I still click for the picture because I guess I'm a pig, sexist, or how I like to think of it. Like A man. Once I get into the story I scroll and there's no picture! There is a story about some risque outfit that one of them is wearing and I wasted a click and no picture? 

I know, I need a life. I'll get to that, this is full on vent mode. I almost don't give a fuck. My youngest kid is 16 and I do owe it to him and my kids in general to be somewhat of a decent human. And to be honest, I believe I am a decent man. We won't get into that just yet though. So I go back to the main page of Yahoo and now I'm completely distracted. I went to see if there was any news going on in the world and I'm wondering if there is a wild new picture to gaze at. 

Back in the day I didn't even see that stuff. I'd open up the newspaper and look for the sports page. Entertainment section was to see what movies were coming out and show times. If you wanted the BS stories buy people or Enquirer. Today? Everyone knows that shit and gives their opinion on it. Oh wait, I'm using a lot of expletives. I should stop, but I probably won't. 

Today, the media has so much control over what we think and so much else, compared to 1992 and before. Sensationalizing is the biggest trend, along with political correctness. A story about anything can be huge for a moment and then the next story breaks. The other story becomes a distant memory and we move on. So back in 1989 I could listen to Eazy E.

Rap always got a bad rap. Pun intended. But I could still listen to it and even get away with saying slang if it was in the context of the song. 

Now, might as well admit you're a racist if you use the word nigga. 

Yet people like the rapper Common think that only black people deserve to use it because his ancestors earned the right.  He tried to explain that black people say it to each other in an endearing manner, and I agree. I used it for that as well. 

I grew up in Pomona and San Bernardino, CA. I lived deep with the Crips and Bloods and many blacks. I was out on the basketball court talking trash and I would also endear my brothers by calling them my nigga. 

Now, I can't tell you the last time I even thought about saying that. In some ways I'm bummed that it got to the point it did but in this example I'm completely cool with political correctness. I don't want anyone to think I feel one color is any better than any other based on color alone. 

Are you kidding me? 

More about that later, cause shit's about to get real. 

My problem with people like Common is that they talk about being equal but they actually want to be special. Let's be real, Common never came close to being a slave. His upper middle class upbringing made my family look like peasants. His color didn't mean crap because people care about money not color. Oh, they care about color but the color of money always comes first. 

Equality should be like get in line with the rest of us and get over yourself. I have a white brother and a black sister while I'm brown. You wanna know what it was like to see us getting on the bus to go to school? It was a situation. 

But to be honest, I don't see myself like others do. And I never saw my brother and sister that way either. I had their back and everyone knew it. This is real life because we don't really know who feels like what because political correctness makes it not acceptable to feel a way that is unacceptable. So, that means they tell you to  your face what you want to hear and then the moment you can't hear them they call you that name. 

Honestly, what is better? Being called something to your face, or thinking they like  you and they're saying it behind your back?

 I digress! Back to missing Eazy E. 

That's my point. We used to be able to say things because as a whole we don't feel that way. At least I hope we don't. There are a bunch of racist and sociopathic haters but there are many more loving accepting humans, right? 

I used to be able to make fun of my black friend liking watermelon while he told me to go eat a burrito. Now, I can't even say watermelon or banana in front of my black friends. I have to say, are you going to eat fruit today? 

Ok, so maybe that's extreme but my black friends don't even want to be black anymore. It's too hard. They don't want to perpetuate the cycle so they avoid things assumed as stereotypes. 

I'm like fuck that shit! I'm a half mexican half white guy that speaks spanglish and married a blonde. I don't give a fuck! I'll be like, cut up my filet mignon and my asparagus, with some au jus. But damn it, wrap it in a tortilla cause I'm really a Mixican. It's in my dna to roll it in a tortilla. 

Just like a black man loves melon. We all come from different parts of the world originally where climate and evolution meant that there were darker people where there was more sun and lighter where it was cold with less sun. Because of the climate different foods were available. The human body evolved to make it easier to consume those foods or vitamin D. 

Just like the birds did that were forced down to the Galapagos islands by winds. The descendants of those birds adapted to the environment to survive. That's all we did as early humans. Some embraced nature and simple life while others advanced their skills and the destruction of the planet. 

The Native Americans only killed what they could eat and used their fur for shelter and warmth like it was intended. The Spanish came in and used the Native American spirituality and assumed primitive nature and used it against them. 

Imagine you own your land and someone comes to you and tells you that they bought the land and you have to leave. As a Native American you're wondering how someone can own the land. As a conqueror you're just doing what you gotta do. 

So where I could listen to Eazy E in 1989 now I cannot even play his song at a party. If a parent hears the word bitch, ass, hoe, nigga, they lose their mind. When in fact, none of that shit matters. It doesn't define anyone. If someone says the word bitch and you get offended? Maybe you need to look in the mirror and wonder how you feel about yourself. A bitch does not equal a woman. A woman can be a bitch but a woman is not necessarily a bitch. 

Why is that so hard to understand? You can apply that down the line. Just because I'm a Mexican does not mean that I'm a wetback. I guess that's not an apples to apples comparison. I guess it's more like Chink, Spick, redneck, etc. 

 You think these words are different than the ones used towards blacks?  If you let someone say one without the others then you're either racist or feeding the problem. 

It's time people are completely equal. I've said it before that if there can't be a White entertainment television then there can't be a black entertainment television. Also, if women want equality, get out there and lay some asphalt girl. You think combat sounds like a good idea until you're out there. No rules in combat.

You're going to find out that you better watch out what you wish for.

She laughed

I don't really write for anyone else, it's solely to relieve tension and thoughts that race through my mind constantly. But I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me what others think. I have tried not to care but currently I'm not successful. I only say that because I've been writing a lot about my mom and I'm sure people think I'm whining or they're just tired of hearing it. Let me just say that there are times when I get tired of hearing myself so I understand if many don't like me or understand me. I apologize if I offend and understand if many just want to turn me off. Go for it!


That being said I talked to my mom today. She's in a hospital in Tulsa, OK and I'm in CA so it's hard to understand in my mind what's important and what I should be doing and when. Our conscience is our guide along with our gut. You don't need any bible to tell you what you should do. If you consider each choice your conscience and gut will tell you what to do. Ignoring them often means consequences. Faith in your guide often provides satisfaction and good decisions. Saying that, my mom would kick my ass if she read this. We were raised in a very religious household. Church on Wednesday and Sunday was frequent as well as outings with the church. I'll discuss that more at some point but back to my mom.


She was able to talk to me today and it was great to hear her voice. Her and I are both realists so it was a somber conversation. For a bit but at some point we just got back to normalcy. We talked about everything down to the details of her pain medication and the surgery. She discussed her disappointment in hearing the surgery was unsuccessful and the realization that she has to go through chemo again. I tried really hard to think about happy things to talk about. What the fuck am I suppose to be thinking? On top of what she's going through I'm also fucking struggling. I love life, I do. But I have avoided talking about my own situation. I'm ready for change.

My youngest child is 16. I have looked in the mirror many times asking if I'm proud or satisfied with the guy I'm looking at. Fact is that I'm not. I've done well but God Damn it I could have done better. So I'm pissed at myself. I'm fucking really pissed at myself. I couldn't make a marriage successful, I can't make my mom comfortable. I can't provide her with the care she deserves. I suck! Even though I will have to get up tomorrow and put my big boy pants on, today I'm satisfied being a bitch. I hate to sound so vulgar and emotional but I guarantee you there are many feeling this way and they just ignore it or don't want to sound like that bitch danny.

I want to be in the hospital with my mom. I do. I want to read to her and listen to her stories. I'm happy that my sisters and other family are there with her. She deserves it. I know she's going nuts. Sad part is, she's more upset about not being able to take care of herself and others than she is about what she's going through. Is that what we're conditioned to be like? She deserves the movie ending. Driving in the car reminiscing about that time as a young girl when she could still dream of the life before her and the first and last time she fell in love. Do we watch the movies hoping we will experience the same but knowing we won't?

I'm almost done I promise. I apologize for digressing so much but I feel this. I enjoy the moment and when I'm explaining this I'm envisioning it. When she reaches her destination the love of her life is there to greet her like in the movie Titanic when Jack is there awaiting Rose. That is what I envision us all deserving as our finale. Unfortunately, life is more about out with the old and in with the new. As unfortunate as it is we're all about the future.

As we finished talking today the nurses entered the room. She told me she had to go and that we would talk again soon. She laughed about how they had 3 long needles waiting for her. I laughed because she was laughing. Even though her world is collapsing she still found the ability to laugh? That moment right there reassured me that she gets it. Although she was hoping for the best she expected the worst. After she quickly processed all of that information she got back to what made her successful, her resiliency. I'm crying now but mostly because like I said, I'm a little bitch. But, her laughing at the sight of 3 large needles to me explained life as what it was meant.


We're born and we know little. We're youthful and we think the world is our oyster. We enter adulthood and realize this isn't as easy as we thought it would be. Then, we enter our later years and we reflect on what we've learned and how we got here. Finally, if you succeeded and understood the mission you laugh in the face of death. You welcome it but continue to laugh as you show how much fight and passion you have in you. Shirley laughed and stuck her middle finger up at death. But in her mind she's pissed that she's not finishing her mission. Fucking phenomenal.

A separated government system causes loopholes and mistakes

I used to install security systems for the government and airports. One of the biggest problems for systems all over the country is the lack of integration. In the story below Barack Obama talks about how it's insane that a person on the no fly list can walk in and buy a gun with no problem. The biggest reason this is possible is that not all of the agency computer networks are connected. That's the easiest solution in my opinion to preventing individuals who obviously should not own a gun from buying one. It's these issues and loop holes that make not enforcing current gun laws more important than making new laws.

If they aren't enforcing current laws or able to cross reference databases between agencies right now, then why make new laws that also won't be enforced properly? The focus should be on enforcing current laws consistently and thoroughly.

When I'd go to work at an airport like Sacramento I'd verify that the no fly list was updating properly. I'd ensure that the spreadsheet that was shared between agencies was successfully imported into the database used by the security platform at the airport. There were times it didn't work and to be honest, many individuals on the no fly list would not have been flagged even if they had gone through security. These no fly list programs vary throughout the country.

One of the last things I was a part of when installing these systems was connecting the IRS security systems and ID cards all across the country. Databases in New Mexico, South Carolina, CA, etc would all sync. When an IRS employee traveled they can use their one ID badge to get into buildings all over the country, as well as use it to log into computers at each location. The ID badge is required to log into a pc by inserting into the keyboard and without it there is no access. 

Another example of this was some work I did for the Veterans hospitals around the country. The systems allowed an employee in Jamaica Plains, MA to transfer to San Diego, CA and use the same ID. An administrator can assign specific doors online and the user would have access without ever having to interact with anyone. Imagine that but throughout the entire government and others. If used properly it could provide streamline access and auditing. Used wrong or improperly and it could cause more issues or provide a false sense of security not knowing something is not functioning properly.


In our daily pursuit of money and happiness we sometimes get moving too fast. Everything is moving so fast that sometimes we don't have time to complete everything. On top of that, everyone is stressed out because everything is more expensive and there is more competition for everything. People become desperate or give up and that leads to unspeakable acts. In addition to that so many different cultures are living together. Not all of these cultures agree with each other.


I digressed a lot writing this and it didn't turn out as intended. I was really just trying to point out that like Obama said, it's insane that someone on the no fly list can walk in and buy a gun. But, maybe instead of creating new gun laws; they should just enforce the ones they have and find ways to share information between agencies. I won't even get started on the lack of communication between the FBI and CIA.


http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/05/politics/barack-obama-guns-congress/index.html

Stop the surgery

Yesterday, my mom had surgery to remove part of her lung because of cancer. She's the last of my parents after losing my mother (Lenora) three months ago and I'm caught off guard by this situation. Shirley (mom) just beat breast cancer after having a breast removed. She barely complained, and I could not hear any difference in her voice before, during, or after chemo.

Right before the surgery we had to prepare for the worst. If she died during surgery she was content with that. She didn't want that but prepared for it. But during surgery they discovered that the Cancer had spread and now was the size of a fist. They couldn't do the surgery.


This is hard to write.


Losing her during surgery was such a worry. We prepared for it by talking for hours on the phone and making sure we were good with each other. She sent her love to the kids and was hopeful they would remove the cancer. I am so happy I have another day with her but that meant no surgery will help her. There was little chance of success so she can choose being terminal or have to go through chemo, again.


Chemo is the only option. She could do nothing and wait for the tumor to take her but she's a fighter. She's going to go through chemo, again. She's always been one of the toughest people I've ever known, along with my dad. I know right! Having both of them was hard to live up to.
As a child she was intimidating. Just her being mad scared me. But no matter what I went through as a child I hold no anger or resentment towards her. Without the bad the good would not be possible. And the good outweighs the bad exponentially.


Without this woman Shirley, none of my current life would be possible. I'm not joking. When I lived with my mother until 4th grade I was already getting into trouble. Fighting all of the time and already experimenting with alcohol, cigarettes, and marijuana. Shirley gave part of herself to get the message through to me that I needed to live a certain way.


She's an intense woman and to this day she doesn't fuck around.


My kids laugh and enjoy wondering how that can be possible, because La La is such an amazing grandma. She's also been an amazing mom. Ever since her and my dad told me that we should forget the past and move on things were/are awesome. They told me after I finished boot camp that I was an adult and they would treat me like one.


They never went back on that promise.


That, is why I believe I was able to grow up. Them treating me like a peer made me want to reach new heights just to make them proud. In their eyes I've done great and they've said it. In my eyes I've failed greatly. Unable to take care of it all. Unable to give my dad the burial he deserved at Rose Hills. Unable to achieve what I was capable of despite having the abilities. Witnessing others achieve more and at times with less ability. Those inabilities drive me to this day.


I don't really have resentment except for maybe having to start from way behind, and at myself for being lazy. I hold none towards my parents. Although my dad has passed, he lives with me every day. I will live today with the love, potential, hope, and most importantly the PASSION that I was taught to exhibit.


Thank you Shirley Jones for your support, love, passion, intensity, dedication, and heart through all of these years with no reward. I'm asking for the powers that be to look over you in our time in need. We love you, and we all have faith in the plan. Nothing can take away from your impact on our lives. Thank you and I promise to live in your honor today and God willing going forward. I Love you

Wish I knew then what I know now

I used to think that breaking up was the end of the world. That feeling in my stomach actually physically hurt. I could have just been a dog but something about the chase and emotions made expending the energy worth it.


Then, I had kids. I learned real quick how saving your energy for the marathon was most important. Since I've been more of a sprinter, I have not been one of the best at this game.
Fortunately, I haven't been the worst. Although my path has been decided, I'm not too old to make some adjustments. But, it would be silly to think that I can still decide what I want to be when I grow up. I can still write a few chapters but the plot has already been written. 

Be careful what you decide to be your plot.


You can always write your endings but being happy cover to cover is what most don't figure out. We write our own experience, although most of us figure out that we're authors too late.
We all wish we knew then what we know now but that's part of the magic of life.

The battle between Capitalism and happiness

I've been on top of the world. Well, not literally. But I have felt what I believe was euphoria. It's the simple things too that usually give me that feeling. 

Don't get me wrong, I would love to drive a 2015 Ferrari or Maserati while living it up with waves at my deck.
But I know that physical experience will never outweigh the spiritual. A moment of emotional bliss or spiritual connection is a way better feeling than any physical can bring. Energy proves that for me. We're all energy. As soon as we pass on, our energy leaves our bodies. I'm pretty sure that's proven. 

Another law is that energy cannot be destroyed it can only be transferred. That means that your energy does not die with your body it's only transferred. What it's transferred to is the question.
What I wish I knew how to do was prolong the feeling of that internal euphoria with all of those endorphin that come with it. Or would I rather experience the highs and lows instead?

I do know that you can have all the possessions in the world and still not feel complete. We've learned that from all of the people that have reached that level of success but still did not feel like they completed their mission. Giving most of their fortunes away was the only thing that gave them joy towards the end of their lives. That's the main reason I gave up on ascension of the corporate ladder a long time ago.

I do wonder what I could have accomplished. A former co-worker and an eventual boss Bryan gave me a glimpse of what the possibilities were. He's retired before 40 with over four million in income plus millions in stock. I didn't have the stomach for the back stabbing, lies, etc that it took to not necessarily excel but just survive. If you're not ahead of the game you're behind it. I knew my VP was getting fired a week before he did.

Current Corporate life is just short of mob mentality. Similar to the dictator of a country. When you're in a position of power life is great. But in weakness your kingdom can be shattered. One of the definitions of Capitalism is to take advantage. That's become our way of life and we're surprised people are ruthless?

About 8 hours of alternative reality (dream)

So, I had this dream last night and seemed so real and when I woke up I remembered so much of it. 

I have lucid, vivid dreams and remember quite a bit of details for a short time after I wake up. 

I talk to others that say they never remember their dreams. 

Well, my dream last night I don't remember a bunch of detail but specific details I did. We were traveling and met a couple and the husband's name was Eric and not sure of the spelling. 

In my dream they were from Myra, which I thought they said was in North Carolina. Then further down the highway we were going to eat and met a husband and his wife. They said they were traveling from Myra. 

I said that we had met some people from Myra including a guy named Eric and said his wife's name but can't remember what it was and they said "oh that's our kids". 

In my dream I thought it was ironic. Well, I looked up Myra and there is no Myra North Carolina. The only Myra I found is in Turkey and it is the home of the legend of Santa Claus. St. Nicholas used to drop gold coins down chimneys around 11th century to the poor. 

After reading I realized I have no idea what any of it meant. But thought it was interesting. It amazes me that our subconscious minds remember so much detail including voices and environment. 

We're asleep for at least 8 hours which means it's an entirely separate reality. 

Albert Einstein calls "reality an illusion" and our subconscious should reinforce that. It's like a separate reality. In certain dreams I can remember specific tones of voices, decor of rooms, and specifics of conversations. Yet, I can't remember any of it while I'm awake. Reminds me of how small of a percentage of our brain we actually use.

Radicalism vs. Terrorism

It was Friday, November 13th 2015 before 4pm pacific time and I'm at work when everyone starts talking about a bombing in Paris. 

Maybe I didn't realize the impact or whatever because it was Friday but I didn't get into a conversation about it. Instead, it was time to go home on a Friday after a long work week. But once I got home I was glued to my phone and tv wondering how multiple assailants could carry out such acts. 

I've always been fascinated with Kamikaze pilots from WWII but also confused by what could compel someone to kill themself as part of the assault. Just recently I've watched documentaries and read accounts of what those pilots experienced. Crying the night before and being comforted. Carrying out the acts but their families having to deal with the affects on their own without their "hero" father's. 

Now, we have young men carrying out secret missions to attack innocent civilians while also planning to die in the attacks. I've read about these radicalists killing the parents of small children and brain washing them into their beliefs. Then teaching them to kill at an early age so that they're desensitized to death. And it's these children that are carrying out these acts. 

All I know is that over people are dead and hundreds more wounded. But now is the moment the media and politicians live for. The drama that surrounds it and sensationalization. Their time to shine. 

But how do we stop it and bring love to our society instead of hate. In California we cut each other off on the freeway and flip each other off while inhaling our cigarette. We brush it off like it doesn't matter yet it's a microcosm of what is happening. People feel the majority don't care about them or protect them so they try to inflict the pain they're feeling onto those masses. Makes them feel their pain while bringing attention to their cause. As misdirected and skewed as that is, in their minds that's their mission and purpose in life. Desperate people commit desperate acts. 

I hope we attempt to resolve the root cause of these issues instead of just cutting off the head while leaving a breathing body.

It's December 2nd and another shooting. This time in San Bernardino, CA. I've actually lived there before and the news reports that 14 people have been killed with many more injured. Looking to be another terrorists/radicalist killing by a man Syed Rizwan Farook and the mother of his 6 month old child Tashfeen Malik. With ties to Pakistan and Saudi Arabia they shot up a holiday luncheon for the Department of Public Health. Their families spoke out to say they surprised and don't see how this could be possible. Apparently there were conversations about religion and an argument. Very sad situation. We're starting to get used to this and with the political correctness everyone is afraid to have an opinion. So everyone just continues with there day and only talk about politically correct subjects to avoid criticism. Is that a good idea? I just wanted to remind myself to refer back to this another time. Here is a link to the story.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/san-bernardino-shooting-investigated-act-terrorism/story?id=35573368

Happy 16th birthday Garrett

Thursday morning November 12th will be my youngest son's 16th birthday. So in less than two days I have only two years left with kids under 18. I didn't say I think of things the way everyone else does. It's been a long process raising kids. I try to embrace it but it's sometimes hard with everything that comes with that joy. With joy comes sacrifice. Then cause I'm totally adhd i had to write my mom this message. All truth in this so might be a bit much for some. I can be a bit intense and confusing.


Hope you're having a pleasant night. Cheersing to you each night. That's kind of part of my prayers. Just looking up and asking the powers that be to be there watching and helping. I try not to ask often but for you I will ask. I hope they'll listen because I try not to cry wolf and reserve my requests for what matters. Just wanted you to know that you matter. I love you and appreciate you for everything you did for and to us. I can't appreciate the good without knowing and embracing the bad. Cause all of it are ingredients to success. I needed my ass kicked, there is no way around it. I'm surprised I turned out well so I can't question the process and the way it happened, I can only appreciate it. My point is that you're a chef of life. Kitchen might not always be friendly, but damn it the customers are happy. Except we were the employees and customers in one, we just didn't realize it. Thank you for seeing the big picture and handling it. I will never be able to thank you, but know you're appreciated.
Oh, could you also send my love to Michelle. Something has been telling me to let her know I love her and see her and to be easier on herself.

Love you all so much



...back to this,


My son turns 16 on Thursday and I can't even believe I'm here. He's only 16 but sees things I never did. He has his issues and doesn't know what he doesn't know but is so ahead of the curve with what he does know. I am so impressed by his ability to be himself because I was never able to. He is in the drama club and acts fearlessly in plays. I was the lead in a play in 6th grade and wouldn't hold a girl's hand for a scene. He took his shirt off and owned it. He spends hours writing for competitions and studying for his upcoming parts. He's passionate about being who you are. He has so many friends that he was elected home coming prince. His outlook is refreshing and I know I was an ingredient but I would be foolish and naïve to think I was the reason. Seriously, I'm just happy and feel lucky that in spite of what I am he's reaching another level. That part is partially my fault. I preach even though I don't have the credentials to be yourself and do what your passionate about. But also you need to be good at it. My oldest son Alex is good at math so why not incorporate that into his passion. Listening to Hank Williams Jr. and hear someone say they don't like it. I will say his dad was one of the biggest contributors to music but still love Jr. My point is just because I love rap doesn't mean I can't also love country. Why not? 

I'm going to end this because I've already alienated myself from just about everyone. A rap loving country boy only exists in my perverted version of life. As I end this Willie Nelson "don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys" plays on Pandora. This song is in my DNA. Nevermind, it'll take too long to explain.

Cancer again?

It's 8:28am November 5th, 2015. I just got off the phone with my mom and it was bad news. I know what some are thinking, I thought your mom died? My mother died yes but my mom is still alive. You see, back in  4th grade in the 1985 my brother Michael, my sister Michelle, and myself all lived with my mother and her boyfriend Paul. At the time we lived in San Bernardino on Porter street. We lived at 1942 Porter street for a few years and I'll have to tell a story about when a helicopter landed in our backyard and one of my mom's boyfriend's friends was dragged out of our backyard by the cops. They beat the crap out of him and he was bleeding when they slammed him into the back of the car. But anyways, we moved down the street to 1975 Porter street and that's where our lives changed forever. When we lived at 1942 Porter we went to California elementary school but when we moved down the street we started going to Muscoy elementary school. Well, I was spending the night at a friends house and my mom never came to pick me up. After a few weeks my friend's mom asked if I had other family I could call. Luckily I remembered my grandma's phone number. A few days later my aunt Debbie came to pick me up and we went to live with them. I can't remember where that was at but it didn't last long. My aunt Debbie and her husband Ken used to party a lot and they couldn't take care of my sister and I. My brother Michael had already gone to live with my grandma because my mom's boyfriend had hit him in the mouth with a beer bottle and broke his tooth. He didn't hit him on purpose, he just missed hitting my mom with it when she ducked and it hit my brother. My aunt Debbie who is my mother Lenora's sister called her brother Dennis to come and pick us up. Dennis' wife is Shirley and that's my mom. She wasn't always my mom which I'll explain but here it is 30 years later and after just speaking with her I appreciate her and love her a lot. Anyways, I remember the day Dennis, Shirley, and Shirely's kids Tina and Joe came to pick my sister and I up. They drove this brown and white station wagon that had seats in the very back that faced the opposite direction. So you actually looked at the people behind you when you were driving. I remember that April day like it was yesterday. As we drove away from my aunt Debbie's house I wondered what was in store for us. What would our lives be like.

At the time Dennis and Shirley lived in Whittier in an apartment. We used to play with the Tina and Joe and other kids in the complex. We'd climb and run on the roofs and around the entire complex. It was a lot of fun. But my favorite was watching movies. They had this beta player which is like a VHS but smaller. Think HDDVD and Blue Ray. Blue Ray won and no more HDDVD. Same thing happened back in the 80s with Beta. But they had many Beta movies and up until then I hadn't even seen a vcr. We would watch movies that up until then I hadn't even heard of like Commando, Rambo, Goonies, Breakfast Club, and Karate Kid. They didn't put us in school the rest of that year after moving so we just hung out at the apartment. At first everything was perfect. We ate good and watched movies and had fun with all the local kids. My sister Michelle had to spend a lot of time studying with my aunt/mom Shirley because she was behind and wouldn't get to go to the next grade without learning to read better and math. Shirley spend countless hours helping. Shortly after moving in with them we moved to Pomona where we lived in a house off of Garey avenue and Arrow highway at I think 2233 Las Vegas avenue. Our house was the only one whose garage opened to Garey avenue. It actually opened to a car wash and behind that was a McDonalds, Taco Bell, New York Pizza, Stater Bros. I just looked at Google maps and the New York pizza place is now a Juan Pollo and the Stater Bros. is now a Dollar General Market. Funny thing is my cousin Joe and I got caught stealing candy bars from the Stater Bros. when I was in 5th grade. Very embarrassing. I started 5th grade at San Jose elementary school and I was a kid with issues. But that's a different story. I want to focus on my mom. For many years after we went to live with Dennis and Shirley I was an angry kid. In 5th grade I had a teacher Mrs. Barbee. She gave me detention for talking in class and I lost it. I threw a chair at her and they called my parents. Dennis and Shirley came to the school and Dennis beat my butt with the principal's paddle and then made me go to the class and apologize. This was a whole new world to me. I mean my mom's boyfriend Paul used to beat us but this was different. Life was not always easy. There were plenty of times when we would go to the LA fairgrounds and watch the races or go on rides or go to pizza. But there were plenty others when life was not easy. Rules were strict. Before we could go out and play on Saturdays we had to make sure our laundry was done, beds made, and our clothes were in the right drawer. I resented Shirley for a long time.  I blamed her for my mom not coming back and I didn't like the rules. I went to 5th and 6th grade at San Jose and then part of 7th grade at Palomares Junior High schoool before we moved to Phelan.

It wasn't until years later that I realized how much Dennis and Shirley actually did for us. Shirley was relentless. There was no let up. And she always caught us whenever we tried to get away with anything. I don't remember ever getting away with anything. We used to go to the First Assembly of God church on Arrow highway Wednesday's and Sunday's and I remember that is when they were proud of me. When I started getting noticed for the work I was doing at church they would show me love. So I reached out that way because it felt good. But I remember sitting in church not understanding how people were speaking in Tongues. I remember thinking how come God is speaking through all of these people but not me? But I look back and the lessons that they taught me were huge. Dennis was my uncle being my mother's brother but Shirley didn't have to do any of this. She had her two kids and now she was taking in 3 more kids that each had deep rooted issues. My brother was white, I'm half Mexican, and my sister is half black. I can't imagine what people thought when they looked at our family. I also don't know how they made it work. 5 kids to eat clothe and support must have been such a burden. I look back at my dad Dennis and I remember how selfless he was. He never had new shoes and hardly ever bought himself anything. He just got up everyday and went to work but as a kid I didn't appreciate that. But it wasn't until way later in life where I actually realized what Shirley(my mom) had done for me. The skills, discipline, respect, and appreciation she taught me were huge. I would not be anywhere close to where I am today without her. I might not be the most successful person but I've achieved more than I ever thought was possible. My 3 kids are healthy and mature because I was able to take what she taught me and apply it.

The reason I'm writing this is because she called me this morning and told me she has cancer again. She just finished fighting breast cancer and had to have one of her breasts removed. While she was going through it she was still taking care of kids and doing the things that you would only believe if you witnessed it. She's in her 60s now and she still takes care of 2 of my sister's kids, my other sister Tina's son, and her brother Joe's son. She doesn't know how to quit or stop helping. She raised another one of our cousins and then raised 3 other cousins. The selflessness was flowing in our household just between Shirley and Dennis. They hardly ever left on their own it was all about family. So she calls me this morning and tells me that she has lung cancer. Now, she never smoked when we were kids. She didn't start until my dad Dennis died a few years ago. After that she started to smoke because she was both stressed and depressed. He was everything in her world. I mean they had their issues and faught here and there but they loved each other completely. She also said that it's spread to part of her heart. So now after losing my mother last month my mom is now fighting for her life. In typical Shirley fashion she's going to fight it. The first doctor she talked to wouldn't do the surgery so she's looking for another. Since it's moved to her heart it'll be hard to do chemo so they have to operate and take the tumor out. It's very risky because of where it's at. I'm so very sad right now. For years I wanted both her and Dennis to move back out to CA from Oklahoma and retire. But they felt their work was not done. It still amazed me though how positive she sounded this morning. We still talked about other things but I know she's scared. I love her a lot and if anyone can beat it she will. I'll stay positive and hope for the best. But I will be talking to her a lot because she's the last parent I have.

GOP debate October 28 2015

GOP debate:

3 candidates maybe 4 should move on in my opinion, while a few should be gone. I did realize I'm a Republican at heart. Ever since Lincoln, my family has embraced this way of life. I will be honest though and admit I voted for Obama. I believed in a higher level of life back then. I believed that if he won as a race (human) we would realize judging by skin color is ridiculous. My point is that I don't care about parties! I look into a person's eyes and always have. I don't worry about lines. I support people. Ok, back to the 3 to 4 that won in my opinion. This might not be popular or accurate. 

Ted Cruz- i gained a lot of respect for Cruz today. Reminds me of me except he needs to relax a little. I relax too much but he doesn't relax enough.

Jeb Bush- eliminated in my opinion. Only reiterated Bush economics. Done!

Ben Carson- is not aggressive but when given the chance explains his stance. Also admitted he was wrong tonight. Still my favorite for a solid candidate.

Trump- he regained my respect tonight. I thought that he was being a disrespectful hater against Carson for energy before tonight. Tonight I feel Trump led in ways while alloeing others to lead in other ways. 

Fiorina - I have a different opinion than others. I know the real effect of her tenure at HP. Ok, not the entire story. But word on the street was not positive. Cut throat is how i would put it.

Chris Christy- honestly, I was impressed by Christie tonight. Doesn't mean I'm voting for him, just that he spoke up just like Cruz did and I respect that.

Winners to me?

1. Ted Cruz- he spoke up

2. Carson- I'm a fan +

3. Trump- seemed humble

4. Paul- made his point quickly

Losers?

1. Jeb Bush- repeated Bush economics and avoided direct answers.

2. Huckabee- He is the King of analogies. But I won't vote for him as President. Explain later.

3. Rubio- I won't even acknowledge this. Come back in 4 years.

Eliminated:

1. Bush

2. Rubio

3. Huckabee

Top 3

1. Carson

2. Trump

3. Cruz

Next 2

1. Chris Christie

2. Fiorina

My life's motto

I try to see the silver lining in things. Some have said there is always a positive side of everything. I do not see the positive side of everything. I'm human and I come short because I don't know what I don't know. But I am more often than not just happy existing. Some people have it bad. While I don't have it great I have it better than so many of my fellow humans out there. I love and appreciate how lucky I am and hope to never feel that I am better than anyone else. I still learn every day and hope to never sound like a know it all, dick, bitch, asshole, jerk, deusche, prick, etc. If I ever am I'm fine with people pointing it out. If you read or see something call me out. I might be sensitive at first but I will try to see your opinion objectively and unbiased as impossible as that sounds. Anyways, below is what I hope Is the minimum of my legacy.

Although my wins may have been few it never stopped me from celebrating.

Road Rage leads to the death of a 4 year old little girl

Yesterday a 4 year old girl (Lilly Garcia) was shot in the head while in the backseat of her father's truck. While her father (Alan Garcia) and another man (Tony Torrez) cut each other off and argued she probably sat scared in the backseat wondering what was going on. Tony Torrez then pulled out a gun and started shooting at the truck. One of the bullets hit little Lilly in the head and her 7 year old brother said to his father "she's bleeding". The little girl died and many peoples lives will never be the same because of it. This happened in Albuquerque, NM on the I-40. If you've never been to Albuquerque it's a fun city. There is a lot to do, especially if you're coming from one of the more isolated areas around there like I lived in Durango, CO. But it's also a very violent place. Just about every day on the news you'd see some sad situation and wonder what's wrong with people? I wanted to get tv from Denver because I figured it had to be better than to see what was happening in Albuquerque. We used to travel to Albuquerque from Durango because there was more for our family to do. There's a space museum, zoo, bowling alleys, and many places to eat. My favorite place to eat is downtown and it's a Mexican restaurant called Garcia's. But with all of it's positives it's like visiting Santa Ana, CA. you're fine unless you encounter the wrong person or group.

 Many people these days are angry, unhappy, insecure, helpless, and hopeless. It's just a micro example of a bigger problem going on in our society today. Life is getting harder for everyone. There are more people now and so more that need jobs, housing, food, water. Meaning it's a bit harder to obtain those items. If you get cut off on the freeway and cursed at and your first instinct is to grab a gun? Well, you might be a few of the descriptions I put above. I hope that nobody and nothing is worth going to prison or dying for but I know that's not true. If someone was to harm my family? They better watch out. But besides that situation I try to stay away from anger and violence. Doesn't mean it was always that way or that I don't slip from time to time and flip someone off. But in Albuquerque there is much violence and a the amount of Hispanics in the area is high so it does not surprise me that a Hispanic was involved. Many Hispanics are raised in big families so the amount of attention they get is small so sometimes they are insecure and seeking attention. Also, many are first or second generation from Mexico or other countries and so they don't have the financial resources that many people around them do. This also causes insecurity and sometimes resentment. I grew up that way. Always insecure because I was wearing shoes from Payless hoping that we would at least go to Big 5 for shoes. When I was even younger my insecurities would cause me to act out and be offensive before I had to be defensive. If you don't know these feelings it's sometimes hard to empathize with people in these situations.

Even though I empathize does not mean I sympathize for guys like Tony Torrez. I'm not a judge but looking at his past he's had many run ins with the law for violence even once with a gun. Many times people like Tony will continue to be violent until they are forced to confront those issues. I was forced to confront my anger issues and I'm happy for that. I didn't know what I didn't know meaning I was looking at things from the wrong perspective. When you change your point of view it can greatly affect the way you see things. Now, Tony will be doing time in prison. If you've ever been to prison or know someone who has you know that prison does not rehabilitate people. They might want you to think that but it's far from the truth. Even many guards are part of a system that abuses every part of what it was designed for. Guards will allow a new inmate to be abused by other inmates or will abuse them themselves. As soon as you get into population in prison you are forced to join a group based on ethnicity. Let me correct myself, you do have a choice but good luck saying no. On top of that all the criminals are put together to conspire and come up with ways to not get caught again if they get out. That's an entirely different topic though.

This is just another example of why it's hard to smile when every day we read about situations like this.

Here is a link to this story on Yahoo.

http://news.yahoo.com/fatal-shooting-4-old-began-traffic-lane-dispute-080037012.html

Tony Torrez - Once he finishes his sentence and is let out. Is he rehabilitated? In my personal opinion if you take someones life with murder you don't deserve another chance. A 4 year old doesn't get another day so why should this guy?

A dark society

I've always been a little too sensitive and emotional. Especially for a man. Men are taught to be strong and don't cry. When a little girl falls and skins her knee everyone drops everything to run to her. You hear things like "oh you poor baby", "are you ok princess", and "want me to kiss it and make it better". A boy does the same thing and they're told "boys don't cry", "it's just a scratch", and "man up". So when men and women grow up and try to get married and settle down they have a completely opposite way of thinking. Women want a man who's sensitive but also strong. To succeed in the American society you have to be willing to capitalize which is to take advantage. People admire those that are willing to take advantage of an opportunity even if it's not best for everyone. Now, that mentality has become a way of life. For someone like me, I would love nothing more than peace, unity, and love among everyone. But like Johnny Cash once said, "till times are brighter I'm the man in black". That is exactly how I feel in my life. Yes, on a daily basis I smile and look at the positives. I'm giddy and feel blessed just to be where I am today. Every day people reassure me that there is still hope for our civilization. I'm reassured by their actions, not their words. But I'm also discouraged by all of the hate, judgement, violence, poverty, and confusion.

I was upset that my baseball team lost and then I hear a fan was beaten in the parking lot of Dodger stadium, again! I don't understand how people can go from being competitive about a sport to be willing to kill someone because of it. Then I read this story today that brought everything into perspective for me.

I read this article on the Daily mail which is like any other online news agency, biased and controlled by a biased entity. But today let's ignore that and just read it as if it's just objective facts. This 12 year old boy in Guatemala was ambushed by gangland thugs who attempt to order him to shoot a bus driver or be killed himself. His father is a bus driver and so he refused to shoot the bus driver. The thugs give him the option to be killed by machetes or thrown off a bridge. He chose to be thrown off a bridge. His father and rescuers found him 3 days later still alive but dying. The picture of his father cradling him as he lay there dying makes me realize I'm a little whiny spoiled brat for even feeling my life is ever tough. This child showed so much courage and self sacrifice. He laid alone for 3 days and lived for 15 more days in the hospital.

The realization that people could be so cold and heartless as to give a 12 year old such an ultimatum is the reason I will never be completely satisfied with our society. I have a responsibility as a father to help my kids become responsible and healthy adults so I continue on. I have a mentality of trying to see the bright side and be happy. I do tend to be pessimistically optimistic or hope for the best and expect the worst. But more than a lot of others I just see the positive side of things. But even with that I struggle to know that at this very moment someone is suffering and I'm not doing anything about it. Yeah I know what a lot of you are thinking. You little bitch danny. Quit your crying. Yeah, I've told myself the same thing. I just don't understand how as a society with such beauty at our fingertips we can spend so much time fighting and clawing for things that don't matter. None of it matters. The most financially successful people in history still were not satisfied. Guys like JP Morgan, Rockefeller, and Andrew Carnegie amassed fortunes that would compare to the ending of a game of Monopoly. Each of them though eventually realized that money cannot by happiness and they started giving their money away. That's because we all realize at some pointing that giving gives us the most joy. We have our hearts, minds, and our guts to help us make decisions with the help of our conscience. Eventually I hope that we as a people will realize that we were all put here to achieve peace and harmony not to capitalize on each other. I just believe that we're past the point of being able to accomplish that and that's where my disparity of our dark society comes in.

Rest in Peace Angel Ariel Escalante Perez. May the positive forces of the universe bless you in a way fit for a real soldier. A soldier that refused to commit murder even in the face of death. Would you have the courage to say no if you were in his shoes? I can't say that I would but I'll always respect and have love for this 12 year old who died a bigger man than many who have died with large fortunes. 

Here is a link to the story. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3274165/Tragic-moment-father-finds-dying-son-12-three-days-thrown-450ft-bridge-refusing-murder-random-bus-driver-job-parent-years.html

My top 5

These are my Top 5 but like everything it's relative and changing. I probably have taste that other people don't agree with but that's what makes us all unique right? I also know I can't count Who am I missing?


Recent

1. Anthony Donoso- NCIS

2. Gregory House - House

3. Temperance Brennan- Bones

4. Robert Goren - Criminal Intent

5. Barney Stinson - how I met your mother


Top 5 all time

1. Will - fresh Prince

2. Zack morris - saved by the bell

3. Sam Malone - Cheers

4. Michael knight - knight rider

5. Hannibal - A-Team


Top 5 rappers


1. Tupac

2. Biggie Smalls

3. Snoop Dogg

4. Dr. Dre

5. Eminem

6. Eazy E

7. Outkast

8. Lil Wayne


Top 5 country artists

1. Johnny Cash

1. Garth Brooks,

2. Dwight Yokam

3. Randy Travis

4. Kenny Rogers

5. Hank Williams

6. Reba Mcintire


Top 5 Rock artists

1. Beatles

2. Metallica

3. Pink Floyd

4. Zeppelin

5. Doors



Top 5 Presidents

1. Abraham Lincoln

2. George Washington

3. Teddy Roosevelt

4. JFK

5. Benjamin Franklin (Yeah I know he wasn't president but still did better than many presidents when it comes to contributions to this country)


Top 5 cars

1. Bentley

2. Mercedez

3. BMW

4. Maserati

5. Ferrari

6. Lambo


Top 5 baseball players

1. Babe Ruth

2. Willie Mays

3. Hank Aaron,

4. Ken Griffey Jr.

5. Sandy Koufax (Dodger fan)


Top 5 Basketball players

1. Magic Johnson

2. Michael Jordan

3. Kareem

4. Larry Bird

5. Kobe Bryant

6. Lebron James

7. Shaq


Top 5 football players

1. Joe Montana

2. Jerry Rice

3. Barry Sanders

4. Ronnie Lott

5. Deion Sanders


Top 5 hotties

1. Cindy Crawford

2. Kelly Lebrock

3. Angelina Jolie

4. Jessica Biel

5. Alyssa Milano


Top 5 actors

1. James Stewart

2. Tom Hanks

3. Jack Nicholson

4. Harrison Ford

5. Leonardo Dicaprio/Will Smith/Denzel Washington

Top 5 Trilogies (all 3)
1. Star Wars (original 3)
2. Back to the Future
3. Iron Man
4. Batman (Christopher Nolan)
5. Lord of the Rings
6. Godfather
7. Toy Story
8. Indiana Jones

Another school shooting

There was another shooting at a school last week. This time in Oregon. I read that at least 9 are dead and more wounded when a 26 year old male Chris Harper-Mercer shot a teacher in the head and began to open fire on studuip[/why does it keep happening. If we take a moment to analyze, observe, empathize and reflect, it's obvious. Desperation. When someone feels desperate, rationality is not always there. It might not be reality but if the perpetrator feels or thinks that way that's what their reality is. Attention is another reason. The more people that exist means the more amount some people find as opposition. Once again, doesn't have to be reality just their reality. Albert Einstein once said "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Of course there are many factors because everyone is unique. Their experiences are unique as well. Most of the time the assailants didn't realize how fortunate they were, in my opinion. Let's take the UC Santa Barbara shootings committed by Elliott Rodger. A combination of entitlement and insecurities convinced Rodger that he was a victim. While one 22 year old can feel lucky just to have a job, a place to live, and a decent car to drive. Another can feel sorry for them self while receiving money from their parents, driving a paid for BMW, and living for free with no job. That entitlement makes them believe that something was owed to them that they did not get. Like a child throws a tantrum a mass murderer snaps and acts out. Once the vengeance is complete some feel remorse while others feel satisfied. The part that's not surprising is that it'll keep happening and get worse. Most of us contribute to some of the causes. Instead of treating each other with respect and the way we would like to be treated. We try to capitalize on each other and even eliminate. Free enterprise was a good idea but I think the idea of Capitalism creates a winner and a loser instead of a win/win for everyone. If there was a way to set a price on food/products/careers instead of making it all negotiable it might make things a little more balanced. The current system is more like a game of Monopoly where eventually someone wins. The different in America is that they try to keep Monopolies from happening like preventing TMobile and Verizon from merging. Any system that requires manual intervention and bailing out of large companies that would have failed otherwise in my opinion is not a solid system. The fact is that the system is broken and they're manipulating things to make it stay afloat which causes bigger problems later on. While they do things to keep it going citizens are feeling the squeeze. Our middle class has almost disapeared so that there is rich and poor. People grow up being told that they can accomplish anything but then they get older and it's not as easy as they were told. Some of these are entitled kids that were given everything growing up and so this sudden struggle is new to them and they don't know how to handle it. They're not used to the lack of attention that they used to receive and they desperately seek it. The only alternative in their mind is to create a scene so that people notice them.


http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/11/justice/oregon-high-school-shooting/




The part I was saying is our responsibility comes from our Capitalistic economy becoming a way of life. Think of it in simple terms. You're getting on the freeway and there is a line. Do you wait in line or do you try to get in front of the person in front of you? Many people will cut people off all day long and not think twice about it. It's natural for us to think of ways to take advantage or get ahead of others. I just read about another plot where kids were going to shoot up a school and had a list of students they were going to shoot. I'm curious to see the list and know what type of people were on there. Are they those kids that pick on other kids? Are they kids that the would be assailents are jealous of? I just see an increase in these shootings and wonder if there is any way for us to stop them.

Ben Carson

I have to be honest. I'm not a political expert or really an expert in anything. I'm what they consider a jack of A lot of (real term is jack of all) trades but master of none. But, I do have a lot of common sense. It gets undervalued because of the common part but in all honesty? I don't believe it's completely common. For example. I'm voting for Ben Carson if he makes it to the primary. Chances are he won't make it and I'll have to vote for one of the other candidates. Someone told me that it's silly to vote for Ben Carson, because "what does a surgeon know about running a country?" I know, that evokes so much response from everyone. But why? Ben Carson in my opinion has more qualifications and intangibles than Barak Obama. That's my opinion so please state your opinion. If I could vote for anyone in the world? Well, that's not allowed. It has to be a US citizen. If it didn't have to be I'd vote Elon Musk. Since it has to be, why not Ben instead of the rest of options? I'll discuss my opinion of every candidate, especially the ones I watched in the GOP debate last week. I'll be honest if I don't know, hopefully. If not, call me out. I do get carried away sometimes. Ben Carson speaks to me more than Huckabee, Christie, perry, Trump, etc. I was on team Trump, but then Ben Carson decided to run. Ben Carson has solved puzzles that nobody else has even realized were possible. No, seriously. Too many firsts to list. Trump has continued a family legacy while Ben Carson has redefined reality. Don't let this Ben slip by for imperfections just like we did the Benjamin on the 100 dollar bill. After hearing him in the debate, I feel even more sure about him. If there was a candidate that had some history in fighting corrupt ploiticians, and founding true non-profit orgs without profit? I would vote for him. There are some other criteria that would be nice too. But, since that doesn't exist, who will you and I vote for?

brotherhood (poetry)

Im down with this Russian. Hiding out in Pak after leaving Afghanistan. No hostility so no rushin. No need for hush money. But yes we need to keep running. Others below us are gunning so our detractors we're shunning. My sub-conscience is cunning, another brunette thats stunning. Driver in the parking lot keeping the hummer humming. My muse is strumming. Im amused by this game. Everyone is laughing but i dont find this funny. Haters will hate like bees to honey. I wish i could not give a fuck about money. Im ignoring my real mission here on earth to chAse this paper like a dummy. Before i get stuffed in a box like a mummy. I think theres something deeper in my tummy. So lets get out of this rut and make a difference in my lifetime. Everything in life is relative so in my mind im living in a plush kingdom. Vodka/rum/whiskey top shelf fuck it. Why order anything but the best when its all inclusive.

adhd spinning (poetry)

I heard this track last night. Combine it with today's events and it felt absurd to hold back. Alright now but at the time I felt out of whack. Times like a sequence all facts my thoughts are all stacked. Wish I could release them in order but my adhd has me all jumbled like a hard drive. Fragmented in disarray why do I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack? Like I walked away for 5 minutes and the ants got my picnic and now my plans are all crashed. Toss back some bottles now my equilibriums all off track. I'm smashed and in the morning my memorie's all black. But today my luck is back. I'm in a casino and everyting is going my way like the deck is stacked. Blonde on my left brunette on the right, roulette wheel spinning. Bitches be grinning cause grips of chips were winning. I don't give a fuck so money I'm spending. It don't matter about tomorrow as long as tonight I'm winning. But I take a moment to recollect, my thoughts are all specs.

Goodbye mom

I hate not being normal. I always have. All I ever wanted was to fit in. But it's hard when you're so different. From the color of my skin, the way I think, and the way I view the world. Right on queue though my mom's husband calls and tells me my mother died today Tuesday, August 18, 2015. I had to go back and edit a bit because i tried to just keep writing, oblivious to what I had just been told.But as usual I start feeling sorry for myself and something bigger happens and makes me feel dumb. I'm numb right now. I love my mom, a lot. Always have. But I was also angry with her for a long time. Why did she leave us? Why didn't she come back? So many questions flooded my mind for a lot of years.

But even after not hearing from her for 25 years I still love her unconditionally. I don't know all of the demons she carried with her. I just know that for a lot of my life I just wanted to be normal. I wanted a mother and a father. I wanted to have my own room and the same last name as my mom and dad. To have them show up at parent teacher conferences and to watch me play little league. I was jealous and envious of all those that had what I perceived as a normal life. My cousin Ruben has a mother and father who love him. They went to his baseball games and hug him. I didn't have that as a child. But i don't want to be a whiner or get sympathy, I just want to be normal. It's weird what I remember about my mom. In the 80s seat belts were not mandatory. We'd be driving down the street and if she stopped suddenly she would put her arm in front of me to stop me from going forward. This always brings a smile to my face. There is no way her arm could have prevented anything, but that one act made me smile so many times while she was gone over the years. Or one year when I was young and she didn't have any money. She baked cupcakes cause they were cheaper than a cake. When she was gone memories like that made me miss her more.

She was born Lenora Rae Jones on October 9th, 1949 in Odessa, TX. She died Lenora Rae Brunsch on Tuesday, August 18th, 2015 in Waukesha, WI. She is survived by her husband Greg Brunsch, sisters Debra and Sandra Jones, sons michael and danny, and daughter michelle. She had many talents. When we did live with her she was loving and never yelled. She would get me soft batch cookies and 7up when I was sick and she had a beautiful smile. Now I'm writing 3 days later on Friday August 21st. I'm in California and I find myself getting upset with myself for not going and seeing her in Wisconsin. My sister did and she's in Oklahoma. We kept saying when but it never happened. I was suppose to go to a Brewers and Packers game with her and her husband.

I'm trying not to beat myself up but I can't help it. She wanted to be cremated which happened yesterday. During the day I'm at work and I try to not let people know about it or look for sympathy. At night I sit by myself and go over memories. But no matter what she's gone. I did keep all of her voice mails that she left on my phone since we found each other again after 25 years in 2013. I listened to them the last few days and I'm sure I will in the future as well. Rest in peace mom. Know that no matter what happened I love you and I'm happy we were able to get closure with each other. That I was able to express to you that I could never hate you and when I think of you I smile. My mom lived a complicated life but she did it her way.

Now it's October 9th and my mom would have turned 66 today. I wish I would have spent more time with her and would have should have could have. But reality is what it is. I miss her every day and Rest In Peace.

Classism

We're in a new era in society. With still so many naive people hating over race and gender they don't realize the real separation. That separation is class. Barack Obama might be a black man on the outside but he's an elitist more than anything. He might have come from humble beginnings born to a Kenyan father and mother from Kansas but now he belongs to a different society. There's a society of elitists that believe the lower classes belong to a different society than they do. They believe they know what we need and want more than we know what we need or want. These classists associate based on money and power not race. While many of us normal citizens spend time hating based on color they see us all as the same. People put here to be controlled like sheep.

Instead of us hating each other based on such superficial things like color we should show support for our fellow man that's in a similar situation as us. Are they not fighting the same battle as we are? Are they not trying to support their family the same way you are? So why do we care so much what color someone is but we allow Congress to force us to have healthcare that they don't even use? Why do we care so much about random peoples opinions but we don't care that the elitists continue to make us do things that they don't force themselves to do? Seems like a do as I say not as I do attitude doesn't it? This is where the gray areas come in. People try to associate certain sterotypes with specific ethnic groups or colors. Well sterotypes do generally come from some truth that is assumed to be universal. An example is that some black people are gang member so they all must be. Or some hispanics are here illegally and taking advantage of the system so they all must be. The truth is that there are plenty of good and bad people in every color. If you disagree it says more about you than it does reality.

God over religion

People might get the wrong impression about me by only reading what I write. So much of this is what I think, not all of what I do or say. So many times I'm too much of a coward to say or do. The rest Of the time I'm either too lazy or probably too proud. Just trying to be honest. I write about religion sometimes as if I don' agree, support, or understand. I just believe that religion plays too big a part in peoples lives. Be thankful, thank God, thank those, and be happy. The moment you worship a religion instead of God? You're going in the wrong direction. Don't believe me, or dismiss what I write? How many religions accept other religions? If you automatically exclude someone based on their religion, how do you speak to all people? You either convince them to join your religion at that point, or you rebuke their religion. Why not support your God with the love you have in your heart while using the conscience given to you by a higher power.

 The Bible was not written by God, it was written by man. Then, it was translated a bunch of times, by man manipulating to their advantage. Many people have been stranded or stuck without a Bible, Koran, or Book of Mormon and come out of the ordeal thanking God. God lives in you just as the scriptures of Jesus state. "With the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains". Yes, I'm quoting a verse about the son of God from a book I say was written by man. That's because in my heart I believe that it's true. In some ways I'm a hyprocrite. But I do know that people believe I'm not. I also know that people believe God lives within them. I also believe God lives within me. Just don't try to come tell me if I dont accept your God then my life is hopeless. Or worse, your God tells you that you must conquer me for not accepting that your opinion of your religion and with translations explained to you by many different people is fact!

Political Correctness vs. reality and truth

Our society has gone far down a road of political correctness instead of truth. Politically correct is just an accepted way of lying to you. When someone speaks they should speak the truth, not say it in a way that will make everyone accept it. One example is below where society bashed someone for having an opinion. People should be free to think and feel however they want. Then others are allowed to agree or disagree with them. Just recently a Nobel prize winner made comments about female colleagues. It was a statement by one man and it was actually accurate when it comes to men and women throughout history. But because of the feminist movement people get their feelings hurt and lash out wanting someone to be punished for their opinion. That's exactly what happened. Tim Hunt is the Nobel Prize winner and he was forced to resign after making comments during his acceptance speach. Around the same time Joyce Mitchell who worked at a maximum security prison fell in love with 2 murderers and helped them escape from prison. What do these have to do with each other? In my opinion Joyce Mitchell proved that what Tim Hunt said has some truth to it. That doesn't mean all women fall into the category but.....


A Nobel prize winner recently made some sexist jokes in his speech about how female coworkers either fall in love with you, you fall in love with them, or they cry when criticized. The backlash from his acceptance speech for the award was so overwhelming that he resigned his position. So the world lost a great scientist because he gave his opinion?
http://twitter.com/connie_stlouis/status/607813783075954688/photo/1

A female employee at the Rhikers island correctional facility was arrested for assisting in the escape of two life term convicted murderers. We scold a Nobel Prize award winner for making a statement and less than a week later a female falls in love with an institutionalized criminal? Tim Hunt made those comments and he only said what is statistically correct. People are so sensitive. We forced a nobel prize winner to resign because he made an awkward joke but allow female prison employees to have sex and fall in love with murderers and rapists? Sneaking hacksaw blades in through hamburger? I think I saw that on an episode of ducktales! Women are 70 percent more likely to have a relationship with a prisoner than men are.! Although it is poitically incorrect to say what Tim Hunt said it's statistically true. Here's the article for the story. Why are we so concerned with one man's comments but seem to dismiss a huge problem of women falling in love with their students and violent inmates?

http://kfor.com/2015/06/09/new-york-prison-escape-female-prison-employee-questioned-as-possible-accomplice/

Honesty?

I'm naturally outspoken as a person. I generally have no filter. But as a man that has obligations I'm forced to conform in many ways unless I want the judgement cast upon me from countless sources. One example is my belief in individual freedoms. Let's just say your boss is a very conservative person. Your boss openly expresses his belief that he is a devout Christian and gay marriage is a sin. Or that he is a hard core Republican while you have a different view. Can you really express your beliefs openly without limiting your opportunities in the future with him as your boss? People will try to say that everyone has freedom of speech and you should be able to express your beliefs without the fear of retaliation. But the reality is that you don't have that freedom. You do have the freedom to express yourself but you don't have the guarantee that you will not be penalized for your view. As soon as you enter the discussion and give your opinion that you don't think is anyone's business to tell you who you can or can't marry and that you'd vote for a democrat if you believed in him as an American? You've just affected your future in this boss' department. Don't pretend for a second that you're free to have your opinion. That boss might tell  you that you are free to have your opinion, but when it comes down to you and the other person going for a promotion? If that other person shares his viewpoint, or pretends he does? Well, he's going to have an advantage over you. So although I'm outspoken I'm trapped in this realm of only saying so much or I risk alienation.

    Back to my point. Everyone is allowed to have their opinion.Or at least they should. I see situations daily that I feel one way but it's an opinion that might be contreversial compared to what the popular opinion would be. In the past I have been open with that opinion. Although I am proud of that it has hurt me in many ways. Especially in the workplace. By the time I am done with a conversation there is always going to be someone who does not agree. Most of the time it's around 50/50. But why should I hide the fact that I'm going to vote for Ben Carson? Because he's a Republican? Or because he's not a politician? I thought I wanted Donald Trump who is a Democrat (?). Where do I stand as a party affiliate there? Sprinkle in a little bit about my religious beliefs and I've already taken 50/50 and made it 25/25/25/25 at the best hope. But why should I alter my viewpoint based on what will be popular? I think that people who say that God made marriage between a man and a woman and that they will not accept it are assuming too much. Did God come to you personally and say that you should go out and judge two men or two women for getting married? If you say yes then you are absolutely lying. The fact is that nobody has the bible! God's word has been altered from its original state to suit man. Now you're really confused!? I believe in a higher power, I don't doubt it at all. But I won't drink the Kool Aid to think that a world that started with a few corrupt systems comprising a few staple religions are telling the complete truth. The biggest disagreement I have with it all is that any one of the choices are completely correct. Islam? Christianity? Mormon? Judaism? Jehovah's witnesses? All of them will tell you that their word is correct yet every other religion will tell you that the other is wrong. How could one God speak to all of these humans? The answer is that every option has some great message to share with the masses. But to believe that one has all of the answers? I would say you're foolish to believe that. If you tell me I'm crazy to not believe that I would ask you which camp you belong too. Then I would ask you how you expect to get all of the other groups to believe if you judge them for not believing everything you believe? You get more bees with honey. Why not find the beliefs that all share and focus on those and then figure out the rest?

I really think that we're in trouble as a society. I don't think 8 billion people can agree to disagree and live in peace while eliminating what causes these issues. We've already passed the point of no return. But should I try and make a difference or continue to just be politically correct and keep my beliefs quiet?