Don't judge me!

I'm addicted! I don't know if it's because I was introduced to sex at such a young age or I'm just a degenerate. I just know that I love beautiful women. Beautiful is not a size or shape specifically. It's an attitude and aura. I can't believe how many beautiful women there are. At the restaurant today and on the the plane right now. I'm going crazy! Yes, I know I'm fucking married. I'm just trying to be honest. My favorite look is the bad girl brunette with pretty eyes. You know the type. They have tattoos or piercings. Green or blue eyes and when they look at me I become seduced. Mesmerized by their swagger. Gazing at their perfection. I also like those conservative brunettes. The ones that are goody goodies but are itching to escape their bottled up selves! But I also like blondes because they know how to party and have fun. One of my favorite are the bigger girls who are confident. I'd rather have a bigger girl that will show off and be confident than a skinny girl who thinks she's fat. The best but worst invention were the yoga pants. God damn what torture. Accentuating every curve as if they're painted on. How come a woman can have the most obvious camel toe and nobody says a word but if a man was to wear tight pants with his balls protruding people would call him a pig? Women have all the freedoms and don't even realize it.

Ok I feel better. I just had to vent. I'm a pig I know. You don't have to tell me. After millions of years men crave a female like water after 5 days in the desert. I'm a feen. A wise man once said once a man sees one woman naked he wants to see them all! He'll even take a peek at something hideous if he gets the chance. He won't admit it but it's true.

When I was a kid my mom and her boyfriend used to want to get rid of us. Her boyfriend would drop my brother and I off at the movie theatre. We didn't know but it was an adult theatre. He would buy us the ticket. The first time we went in and as a kid we didn't know any better. So we went to see this movie Hot Dog when I was in 3rd grade. So like 8 years old. The first scene and I can still remember this vividly. The couple walks in to check into a hotel and the lady behind the counter comes in naked. My brother and I looked at each other like what the fuck? So they get their room and instantly they're fucking! I didn't know what that was at the time. So then the next time my mom's boyfriend Paul was playing poker and took us with him. He put the playboy channel on for us. It was this episode where three or four couples started hanging out in the living room and slowly started swapping partners in different bedrooms.

When my mom and her boyfriend would pass out we'd invite the neighbor kids over and sneak beers, cigarettes, and weed into the garage. We didn't know how to smoke. The Budweiser tasted like piss and still does. Don't know how people drink that shit, no offense. So pretty soon I'm in the 4th grade and I think I'm a gangster pimp. I'm roaming the streets of San Bernardino in between Muscoy and California elementary school. Bringing 9 year old girls to our house. We were sick! Add to that I once watched my mother at a park in Hacienda Heights fuck like 5 guys in a van. Well, I wasn't in the van but we could see what was happening. Guys would come out one at a time to take a piss and laugh when they saw my brother, sister, and I. Sick shit! I mean I don't give a fuck that she let guys pull a train on her but fuck lady, with your kids there? Don't judge fuckers, it wasn't my fault. I remember another time across the street from my grandmas house on Folger street in Hacienda Heights she fucked a guy outside the neighbors house. Her and her boyfriend would leave their bedroom door open. Man, I'm actually surprised I'm not some crazy fuck! My mom used to grow pot in our yard and we would drop it off to the guys selling it on the street corners. The she would drop us off at the public pool. Just another day in fuckedupville!

So when I became a testosterone driven teenager I couldn't wait to have some sexual fun. Girls used to only like me as a friend. Instead dating my brother and friends. Telling me stories and how guys are jerks except for me. So everyone thought I was a ladies man but I wasn't getting any. Until the summer of 11th grade. I grew a little and started realizing girls liked attention and to be adulated. Just give them compliments and listen to them talk and they were putty in your hands. Pretty soon I was fucking three or four girls in the same month. One girl Annie asked me if I had just fucked Lisa and I said yes. She started crying and then said that's ok, I just hope you eventually choose me. Then we started making out and it was on! At the same damn time a different Lisa was driving the car and a week later told me I turned her on and she wanted me. It was as if they wanted to fuck the guy they knew was a player. But they wanted to make the nice guy wait. I still don't understand that.

My senior year and 4 years in the Navy was like an audition. I can't remember how many girls i Fucked. I don't remember many all their names. A few I was able to fuck after just a few hours. One girl Heidi from Canada I had sex with after just 2 hours at a party. It was 1995 and I was at a party on a Navy base in Washington. I put on R Kelly 12 play and by the 4th song she was as naked. We were in my friends room and she got startled when people knocked. She coyly said "how did i get naked" like she was innocent. I was more upset that people intruded. We had told everyone we were going to get CDs and they wondered where we were. We gave them the CDs and Heidi asked if we could go to my room. So we did. My roommate was there. But I didn't care because I was insatiable. She was giving me head under the blanket and my roommate turned the light on because he thought I was drunk and needed help. She picjed her head up and he was like "my bad" and i laughed and said no big deal. The next dayI was being stationed in San Diego, CA. Her friends came to my door and gave me Heidi's phone number. I told them I would call her and then left to CA. Even though I had started a relationship with my soon to be wife I felt entitled. Like I was providing a service.

This routine continued into CA and my marriage. I was addicted and couldn't stop. It didn't help that so many women didn't care if I was taken or how many girls I was fucking. It was a sickness. It wasn't until I was in Hawaii and met a girl, I'm trying to remember her name. She was a sweet girl in Hawaii for college. A shipmate and I got a hotel on the beach and they wanted girls to come to the room. Because I was oozing with confidence at the time I got this girl and her friend to come up. Pretty soon her and I are making out until another guy got blacked out drunk and started destroying the room. I tried to talk some sense into him and get him to leave in a taxi. He reached over another guy and punched me in the mouth. He broke two teeth and because I was so superficial and conceded at the time I ran to the bathroom. I actually cried because I was drunk and upset my teeth were broke . Still, the next day I called the girl I was making out with. She picked me up and we hung out. She took me to North Shore and we "made love" on the beach of North Shore. She was an athlete so her hip bone gave me bruises because we went at ot long and hard. The next day she picked me up at the ship and we continued to hang out. I think I even gave her a fake name. The day I was leaving she gave me a little box. I opened it and it was sand from North Shore with a key under it. She told me it was the key to her heart. Instantly I felt shitty about myself. As I got out of the car and she drove away I could see her wiping her tears with her sleeve. What a sweet girl she was. I was a complete dick and didn't deserve a girl so sweet, innocent, and vulnerable. I still dislike myself for that. It was after that I somewhat got a conscience and realized it wasn't a game.

So here I am. I'm 40 and addicted. Except now I'm aware. I know that although women love sex they also desire commitment. When a woman gives up sex they expect your soul. Unless you want to give it to them only have sex with women that are ok with a fair exchange. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Unless you want karma from hell avoid taking advantage of women. But it doesn't mean I can't appreciate them and their beauty. I just can't tell a woman what she wants to hear because I want to enjoy her like an amusement park. Although I want to and they want to it's not worth the heartache they feel. The resentment they will have towards you if you take advantage of them. Their beauty makes me weep with desire but life is easier without them hating you after. Although they just want to fuck too, they're end goal is marriage and you serving them like a jester. So if you have no conscience just tell them what they want to hear and disappear. Or, find the ones that want friends with benefits and be honest with them up front. They'll probably still fuck your brains out but they won't be scorned when you don't marry them. They'll be making some sucker wait to fuck while they still fuck you. They want that guy to believe they're a virgin and never have sex while they leave their date and have a booty call with you. So while some sucker is waiting foe their maiden and buying expensive dinners hoping to finally make love to their princess? She's coming to your place late at night and riding you like a bare back horse escaping a fire. You can bash me if you want. But it's all a game and you'll never really know if these women are real or not. It's their specialty to hold sex like it's a prize. Making you believe your the only one opening the present while someone else has already seen it unwrapped. Instead of admitting they love sex because they were born to breed, they'll act like a princess holding out for their prince charming.

I ain't mad at them, I just wish they'd be honest. While they're calling men pigs and cheats they're just way better at playing the game. I do appreciate them though. With all their beauty and shapes, I just wish I could enjoy a fee hundred more. Because honestly what is more fun in life than some unadulterated passion with no expectations and no worries? We're just carrying on the species like we were designed too. Is it my fault I want to test drive them all like a used car lot? Ok, that was wrong I admit. But I did say I'm a pig.