Affluenza

It's so easy to become lethargic, lackadaisical, or complacent. Life can be trying and exhausting. It's only natural that people would seek an escape or break.

For some reason us humans need and crave this journey for personal fulfillment. Sort of our new age version of manifest destiny. We're trained and conditioned to achieve and accomplish to not only satisfy ourselves but also those around us.

Unfortunately for some they are either enabled or entitled to avoid any of these lessons of life. Many times a coddling parent enables them to have no adversity or challenges to grow from. Children in these situations believe they are entitled to be too good to have to endure the same challenges of their peers.

The problem comes when they have to function on their own or interact in a team environment with their peers. We see it all the time with one example being in kids sports. In this example a young boys parents have told him over and over how great he is. Since a parents words to their children is like gospel he believes this inflation of his ego to be true. He runs out onto the field oozing confidence. Then comes the moment he isn't as successful as he thought he would be. But instead of a dose of reality mommy or daddy or both blame everything and everyone else except their inaccurate portrayal of his skills.

Instead, they should have leveled with jr. from the beginning. They should have explained to him that nothing is guaranteed. That he can achieve anything but only with hard work and dedication. Parents and others sometimes fear for the child's confidence and psyche to the point where they lie to them. Trust me, I truly do know what it's like to look down at your child who has tears flowing down their face. Wanting with all of your being to take the pain away. Don't do it! Kids are not only resilient but also strong. Be real with your kids don't coddle or inflate their egos. You'll only impair their future ability to cope and adapt.

I'm no psychologist and I won't pretend to have some special gift. But I am real and authentic with my kids. Maybe I have been too real to their detriment. Maybe I have taken away their vision of the world being their oyster. But I'd rather have a realistic fighter than someone with a false sense of entitlement. I'm not advocating for recognition or awards, simply pointing out that I know what not to do in this situation. From an early age I've taught my kids responsibility, reality, and gray areas. This does not take into account their mother or other influences. Only my attempt at preventing them from going into their adult word unprepared for reality.

There's currently a story about a teen from Texas named Ethan Couch. When he was 16 he drove his truck into a crowd and killed four people while driving drunk. The judge ruled that the teen suffered from affluenza and could not be held responsible for his actions because he never learned accountability as a child. He dis no jail time but received 10 years probation. Wait a minute....

Are we really at a point in our society where people are not going to be held accountable because they were never held accountable?

Where does it stop?

Wait, there's more. He apparently didn't take the situation seriously (surprise right) and was filmed playing beer pong. The video got to the courts and before he was brought back him and his mother disappeared. Story has it that there was even a going away party before they left. It does not surprise me that many of the Couch's friends and family valued the four people's lives so little that they supported him and his mother evading responsibility. They were caught a couple days after Christmas in Puerta Vallarta. They're being turned over to authorities in Texas.

People have been freaking out about the judges decision on only probation, but this should be interesting. He violated his probation so will he now have to do time? Will his mother do any time in jail?

I continue to believe we're in a new age in the US and world. I know, every generation says that. But I can't imagine what we'll do with another trillion people in a few years. Should be interesting. Below is a link to the story where baby Ethan and his mommy are caught in Mexico.

Behind every sociopath and serial killer is a sick and coddling enabler mommy. Ok, maybe not all but I promise it's a large amount.

https://www.yahoo.com/gma/affluenza-teen-ethan-couch-detained-mexico-officials-120721898--abc-news-topstories.html?nhp=1

I miss Eazy E

I miss Eazy E. Some people are already like, what crazy shit is danny going to write this time. My ingredients are all over the place. From Johnny Cash to Tupac I enjoy just about every genre. I don't hate on others tastes that aren't mine, because it's all opinion. I might not understand opera and wonder what the fascination is, but that doesn't mean it's irrelevant. 

So I miss the days when things were a little more simple than they are today. Political correctness is such a strange thing.  I've realized that the media is the driving force behind the version of fact and what opinions should be. I could list many examples. The biggest being what they decide to write. 

Let's use Yahoo as an example. We used to read from a newspaper or magazine but now we scroll. The difference is that with a newspaper I know what section Sports is and the same with weather and stocks. In a magazine I skip to the page of the story I want to read. On a website like Yahoo I can't help but read through the titles of articles while looking for an article that I would want to read. 

I catch an article about the Kardashians. On the link there is a picture of a kardashian and a title about some stuff that I guess I could care less about which is sad. I still click for the picture because I guess I'm a pig, sexist, or how I like to think of it. Like A man. Once I get into the story I scroll and there's no picture! There is a story about some risque outfit that one of them is wearing and I wasted a click and no picture? 

I know, I need a life. I'll get to that, this is full on vent mode. I almost don't give a fuck. My youngest kid is 16 and I do owe it to him and my kids in general to be somewhat of a decent human. And to be honest, I believe I am a decent man. We won't get into that just yet though. So I go back to the main page of Yahoo and now I'm completely distracted. I went to see if there was any news going on in the world and I'm wondering if there is a wild new picture to gaze at. 

Back in the day I didn't even see that stuff. I'd open up the newspaper and look for the sports page. Entertainment section was to see what movies were coming out and show times. If you wanted the BS stories buy people or Enquirer. Today? Everyone knows that shit and gives their opinion on it. Oh wait, I'm using a lot of expletives. I should stop, but I probably won't. 

Today, the media has so much control over what we think and so much else, compared to 1992 and before. Sensationalizing is the biggest trend, along with political correctness. A story about anything can be huge for a moment and then the next story breaks. The other story becomes a distant memory and we move on. So back in 1989 I could listen to Eazy E.

Rap always got a bad rap. Pun intended. But I could still listen to it and even get away with saying slang if it was in the context of the song. 

Now, might as well admit you're a racist if you use the word nigga. 

Yet people like the rapper Common think that only black people deserve to use it because his ancestors earned the right.  He tried to explain that black people say it to each other in an endearing manner, and I agree. I used it for that as well. 

I grew up in Pomona and San Bernardino, CA. I lived deep with the Crips and Bloods and many blacks. I was out on the basketball court talking trash and I would also endear my brothers by calling them my nigga. 

Now, I can't tell you the last time I even thought about saying that. In some ways I'm bummed that it got to the point it did but in this example I'm completely cool with political correctness. I don't want anyone to think I feel one color is any better than any other based on color alone. 

Are you kidding me? 

More about that later, cause shit's about to get real. 

My problem with people like Common is that they talk about being equal but they actually want to be special. Let's be real, Common never came close to being a slave. His upper middle class upbringing made my family look like peasants. His color didn't mean crap because people care about money not color. Oh, they care about color but the color of money always comes first. 

Equality should be like get in line with the rest of us and get over yourself. I have a white brother and a black sister while I'm brown. You wanna know what it was like to see us getting on the bus to go to school? It was a situation. 

But to be honest, I don't see myself like others do. And I never saw my brother and sister that way either. I had their back and everyone knew it. This is real life because we don't really know who feels like what because political correctness makes it not acceptable to feel a way that is unacceptable. So, that means they tell you to  your face what you want to hear and then the moment you can't hear them they call you that name. 

Honestly, what is better? Being called something to your face, or thinking they like  you and they're saying it behind your back?

 I digress! Back to missing Eazy E. 

That's my point. We used to be able to say things because as a whole we don't feel that way. At least I hope we don't. There are a bunch of racist and sociopathic haters but there are many more loving accepting humans, right? 

I used to be able to make fun of my black friend liking watermelon while he told me to go eat a burrito. Now, I can't even say watermelon or banana in front of my black friends. I have to say, are you going to eat fruit today? 

Ok, so maybe that's extreme but my black friends don't even want to be black anymore. It's too hard. They don't want to perpetuate the cycle so they avoid things assumed as stereotypes. 

I'm like fuck that shit! I'm a half mexican half white guy that speaks spanglish and married a blonde. I don't give a fuck! I'll be like, cut up my filet mignon and my asparagus, with some au jus. But damn it, wrap it in a tortilla cause I'm really a Mixican. It's in my dna to roll it in a tortilla. 

Just like a black man loves melon. We all come from different parts of the world originally where climate and evolution meant that there were darker people where there was more sun and lighter where it was cold with less sun. Because of the climate different foods were available. The human body evolved to make it easier to consume those foods or vitamin D. 

Just like the birds did that were forced down to the Galapagos islands by winds. The descendants of those birds adapted to the environment to survive. That's all we did as early humans. Some embraced nature and simple life while others advanced their skills and the destruction of the planet. 

The Native Americans only killed what they could eat and used their fur for shelter and warmth like it was intended. The Spanish came in and used the Native American spirituality and assumed primitive nature and used it against them. 

Imagine you own your land and someone comes to you and tells you that they bought the land and you have to leave. As a Native American you're wondering how someone can own the land. As a conqueror you're just doing what you gotta do. 

So where I could listen to Eazy E in 1989 now I cannot even play his song at a party. If a parent hears the word bitch, ass, hoe, nigga, they lose their mind. When in fact, none of that shit matters. It doesn't define anyone. If someone says the word bitch and you get offended? Maybe you need to look in the mirror and wonder how you feel about yourself. A bitch does not equal a woman. A woman can be a bitch but a woman is not necessarily a bitch. 

Why is that so hard to understand? You can apply that down the line. Just because I'm a Mexican does not mean that I'm a wetback. I guess that's not an apples to apples comparison. I guess it's more like Chink, Spick, redneck, etc. 

 You think these words are different than the ones used towards blacks?  If you let someone say one without the others then you're either racist or feeding the problem. 

It's time people are completely equal. I've said it before that if there can't be a White entertainment television then there can't be a black entertainment television. Also, if women want equality, get out there and lay some asphalt girl. You think combat sounds like a good idea until you're out there. No rules in combat.

You're going to find out that you better watch out what you wish for.

She laughed

I don't really write for anyone else, it's solely to relieve tension and thoughts that race through my mind constantly. But I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me what others think. I have tried not to care but currently I'm not successful. I only say that because I've been writing a lot about my mom and I'm sure people think I'm whining or they're just tired of hearing it. Let me just say that there are times when I get tired of hearing myself so I understand if many don't like me or understand me. I apologize if I offend and understand if many just want to turn me off. Go for it!


That being said I talked to my mom today. She's in a hospital in Tulsa, OK and I'm in CA so it's hard to understand in my mind what's important and what I should be doing and when. Our conscience is our guide along with our gut. You don't need any bible to tell you what you should do. If you consider each choice your conscience and gut will tell you what to do. Ignoring them often means consequences. Faith in your guide often provides satisfaction and good decisions. Saying that, my mom would kick my ass if she read this. We were raised in a very religious household. Church on Wednesday and Sunday was frequent as well as outings with the church. I'll discuss that more at some point but back to my mom.


She was able to talk to me today and it was great to hear her voice. Her and I are both realists so it was a somber conversation. For a bit but at some point we just got back to normalcy. We talked about everything down to the details of her pain medication and the surgery. She discussed her disappointment in hearing the surgery was unsuccessful and the realization that she has to go through chemo again. I tried really hard to think about happy things to talk about. What the fuck am I suppose to be thinking? On top of what she's going through I'm also fucking struggling. I love life, I do. But I have avoided talking about my own situation. I'm ready for change.

My youngest child is 16. I have looked in the mirror many times asking if I'm proud or satisfied with the guy I'm looking at. Fact is that I'm not. I've done well but God Damn it I could have done better. So I'm pissed at myself. I'm fucking really pissed at myself. I couldn't make a marriage successful, I can't make my mom comfortable. I can't provide her with the care she deserves. I suck! Even though I will have to get up tomorrow and put my big boy pants on, today I'm satisfied being a bitch. I hate to sound so vulgar and emotional but I guarantee you there are many feeling this way and they just ignore it or don't want to sound like that bitch danny.

I want to be in the hospital with my mom. I do. I want to read to her and listen to her stories. I'm happy that my sisters and other family are there with her. She deserves it. I know she's going nuts. Sad part is, she's more upset about not being able to take care of herself and others than she is about what she's going through. Is that what we're conditioned to be like? She deserves the movie ending. Driving in the car reminiscing about that time as a young girl when she could still dream of the life before her and the first and last time she fell in love. Do we watch the movies hoping we will experience the same but knowing we won't?

I'm almost done I promise. I apologize for digressing so much but I feel this. I enjoy the moment and when I'm explaining this I'm envisioning it. When she reaches her destination the love of her life is there to greet her like in the movie Titanic when Jack is there awaiting Rose. That is what I envision us all deserving as our finale. Unfortunately, life is more about out with the old and in with the new. As unfortunate as it is we're all about the future.

As we finished talking today the nurses entered the room. She told me she had to go and that we would talk again soon. She laughed about how they had 3 long needles waiting for her. I laughed because she was laughing. Even though her world is collapsing she still found the ability to laugh? That moment right there reassured me that she gets it. Although she was hoping for the best she expected the worst. After she quickly processed all of that information she got back to what made her successful, her resiliency. I'm crying now but mostly because like I said, I'm a little bitch. But, her laughing at the sight of 3 large needles to me explained life as what it was meant.


We're born and we know little. We're youthful and we think the world is our oyster. We enter adulthood and realize this isn't as easy as we thought it would be. Then, we enter our later years and we reflect on what we've learned and how we got here. Finally, if you succeeded and understood the mission you laugh in the face of death. You welcome it but continue to laugh as you show how much fight and passion you have in you. Shirley laughed and stuck her middle finger up at death. But in her mind she's pissed that she's not finishing her mission. Fucking phenomenal.

A separated government system causes loopholes and mistakes

I used to install security systems for the government and airports. One of the biggest problems for systems all over the country is the lack of integration. In the story below Barack Obama talks about how it's insane that a person on the no fly list can walk in and buy a gun with no problem. The biggest reason this is possible is that not all of the agency computer networks are connected. That's the easiest solution in my opinion to preventing individuals who obviously should not own a gun from buying one. It's these issues and loop holes that make not enforcing current gun laws more important than making new laws.

If they aren't enforcing current laws or able to cross reference databases between agencies right now, then why make new laws that also won't be enforced properly? The focus should be on enforcing current laws consistently and thoroughly.

When I'd go to work at an airport like Sacramento I'd verify that the no fly list was updating properly. I'd ensure that the spreadsheet that was shared between agencies was successfully imported into the database used by the security platform at the airport. There were times it didn't work and to be honest, many individuals on the no fly list would not have been flagged even if they had gone through security. These no fly list programs vary throughout the country.

One of the last things I was a part of when installing these systems was connecting the IRS security systems and ID cards all across the country. Databases in New Mexico, South Carolina, CA, etc would all sync. When an IRS employee traveled they can use their one ID badge to get into buildings all over the country, as well as use it to log into computers at each location. The ID badge is required to log into a pc by inserting into the keyboard and without it there is no access. 

Another example of this was some work I did for the Veterans hospitals around the country. The systems allowed an employee in Jamaica Plains, MA to transfer to San Diego, CA and use the same ID. An administrator can assign specific doors online and the user would have access without ever having to interact with anyone. Imagine that but throughout the entire government and others. If used properly it could provide streamline access and auditing. Used wrong or improperly and it could cause more issues or provide a false sense of security not knowing something is not functioning properly.


In our daily pursuit of money and happiness we sometimes get moving too fast. Everything is moving so fast that sometimes we don't have time to complete everything. On top of that, everyone is stressed out because everything is more expensive and there is more competition for everything. People become desperate or give up and that leads to unspeakable acts. In addition to that so many different cultures are living together. Not all of these cultures agree with each other.


I digressed a lot writing this and it didn't turn out as intended. I was really just trying to point out that like Obama said, it's insane that someone on the no fly list can walk in and buy a gun. But, maybe instead of creating new gun laws; they should just enforce the ones they have and find ways to share information between agencies. I won't even get started on the lack of communication between the FBI and CIA.


http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/05/politics/barack-obama-guns-congress/index.html

Stop the surgery

Yesterday, my mom had surgery to remove part of her lung because of cancer. She's the last of my parents after losing my mother (Lenora) three months ago and I'm caught off guard by this situation. Shirley (mom) just beat breast cancer after having a breast removed. She barely complained, and I could not hear any difference in her voice before, during, or after chemo.

Right before the surgery we had to prepare for the worst. If she died during surgery she was content with that. She didn't want that but prepared for it. But during surgery they discovered that the Cancer had spread and now was the size of a fist. They couldn't do the surgery.


This is hard to write.


Losing her during surgery was such a worry. We prepared for it by talking for hours on the phone and making sure we were good with each other. She sent her love to the kids and was hopeful they would remove the cancer. I am so happy I have another day with her but that meant no surgery will help her. There was little chance of success so she can choose being terminal or have to go through chemo, again.


Chemo is the only option. She could do nothing and wait for the tumor to take her but she's a fighter. She's going to go through chemo, again. She's always been one of the toughest people I've ever known, along with my dad. I know right! Having both of them was hard to live up to.
As a child she was intimidating. Just her being mad scared me. But no matter what I went through as a child I hold no anger or resentment towards her. Without the bad the good would not be possible. And the good outweighs the bad exponentially.


Without this woman Shirley, none of my current life would be possible. I'm not joking. When I lived with my mother until 4th grade I was already getting into trouble. Fighting all of the time and already experimenting with alcohol, cigarettes, and marijuana. Shirley gave part of herself to get the message through to me that I needed to live a certain way.


She's an intense woman and to this day she doesn't fuck around.


My kids laugh and enjoy wondering how that can be possible, because La La is such an amazing grandma. She's also been an amazing mom. Ever since her and my dad told me that we should forget the past and move on things were/are awesome. They told me after I finished boot camp that I was an adult and they would treat me like one.


They never went back on that promise.


That, is why I believe I was able to grow up. Them treating me like a peer made me want to reach new heights just to make them proud. In their eyes I've done great and they've said it. In my eyes I've failed greatly. Unable to take care of it all. Unable to give my dad the burial he deserved at Rose Hills. Unable to achieve what I was capable of despite having the abilities. Witnessing others achieve more and at times with less ability. Those inabilities drive me to this day.


I don't really have resentment except for maybe having to start from way behind, and at myself for being lazy. I hold none towards my parents. Although my dad has passed, he lives with me every day. I will live today with the love, potential, hope, and most importantly the PASSION that I was taught to exhibit.


Thank you Shirley Jones for your support, love, passion, intensity, dedication, and heart through all of these years with no reward. I'm asking for the powers that be to look over you in our time in need. We love you, and we all have faith in the plan. Nothing can take away from your impact on our lives. Thank you and I promise to live in your honor today and God willing going forward. I Love you

Wish I knew then what I know now

I used to think that breaking up was the end of the world. That feeling in my stomach actually physically hurt. I could have just been a dog but something about the chase and emotions made expending the energy worth it.


Then, I had kids. I learned real quick how saving your energy for the marathon was most important. Since I've been more of a sprinter, I have not been one of the best at this game.
Fortunately, I haven't been the worst. Although my path has been decided, I'm not too old to make some adjustments. But, it would be silly to think that I can still decide what I want to be when I grow up. I can still write a few chapters but the plot has already been written. 

Be careful what you decide to be your plot.


You can always write your endings but being happy cover to cover is what most don't figure out. We write our own experience, although most of us figure out that we're authors too late.
We all wish we knew then what we know now but that's part of the magic of life.

The battle between Capitalism and happiness

I've been on top of the world. Well, not literally. But I have felt what I believe was euphoria. It's the simple things too that usually give me that feeling. 

Don't get me wrong, I would love to drive a 2015 Ferrari or Maserati while living it up with waves at my deck.
But I know that physical experience will never outweigh the spiritual. A moment of emotional bliss or spiritual connection is a way better feeling than any physical can bring. Energy proves that for me. We're all energy. As soon as we pass on, our energy leaves our bodies. I'm pretty sure that's proven. 

Another law is that energy cannot be destroyed it can only be transferred. That means that your energy does not die with your body it's only transferred. What it's transferred to is the question.
What I wish I knew how to do was prolong the feeling of that internal euphoria with all of those endorphin that come with it. Or would I rather experience the highs and lows instead?

I do know that you can have all the possessions in the world and still not feel complete. We've learned that from all of the people that have reached that level of success but still did not feel like they completed their mission. Giving most of their fortunes away was the only thing that gave them joy towards the end of their lives. That's the main reason I gave up on ascension of the corporate ladder a long time ago.

I do wonder what I could have accomplished. A former co-worker and an eventual boss Bryan gave me a glimpse of what the possibilities were. He's retired before 40 with over four million in income plus millions in stock. I didn't have the stomach for the back stabbing, lies, etc that it took to not necessarily excel but just survive. If you're not ahead of the game you're behind it. I knew my VP was getting fired a week before he did.

Current Corporate life is just short of mob mentality. Similar to the dictator of a country. When you're in a position of power life is great. But in weakness your kingdom can be shattered. One of the definitions of Capitalism is to take advantage. That's become our way of life and we're surprised people are ruthless?