Cancer again?

It's 8:28am November 5th, 2015. I just got off the phone with my mom and it was bad news. I know what some are thinking, I thought your mom died? My mother died yes but my mom is still alive. You see, back in  4th grade in the 1985 my brother Michael, my sister Michelle, and myself all lived with my mother and her boyfriend Paul. At the time we lived in San Bernardino on Porter street. We lived at 1942 Porter street for a few years and I'll have to tell a story about when a helicopter landed in our backyard and one of my mom's boyfriend's friends was dragged out of our backyard by the cops. They beat the crap out of him and he was bleeding when they slammed him into the back of the car. But anyways, we moved down the street to 1975 Porter street and that's where our lives changed forever. When we lived at 1942 Porter we went to California elementary school but when we moved down the street we started going to Muscoy elementary school. Well, I was spending the night at a friends house and my mom never came to pick me up. After a few weeks my friend's mom asked if I had other family I could call. Luckily I remembered my grandma's phone number. A few days later my aunt Debbie came to pick me up and we went to live with them. I can't remember where that was at but it didn't last long. My aunt Debbie and her husband Ken used to party a lot and they couldn't take care of my sister and I. My brother Michael had already gone to live with my grandma because my mom's boyfriend had hit him in the mouth with a beer bottle and broke his tooth. He didn't hit him on purpose, he just missed hitting my mom with it when she ducked and it hit my brother. My aunt Debbie who is my mother Lenora's sister called her brother Dennis to come and pick us up. Dennis' wife is Shirley and that's my mom. She wasn't always my mom which I'll explain but here it is 30 years later and after just speaking with her I appreciate her and love her a lot. Anyways, I remember the day Dennis, Shirley, and Shirely's kids Tina and Joe came to pick my sister and I up. They drove this brown and white station wagon that had seats in the very back that faced the opposite direction. So you actually looked at the people behind you when you were driving. I remember that April day like it was yesterday. As we drove away from my aunt Debbie's house I wondered what was in store for us. What would our lives be like.

At the time Dennis and Shirley lived in Whittier in an apartment. We used to play with the Tina and Joe and other kids in the complex. We'd climb and run on the roofs and around the entire complex. It was a lot of fun. But my favorite was watching movies. They had this beta player which is like a VHS but smaller. Think HDDVD and Blue Ray. Blue Ray won and no more HDDVD. Same thing happened back in the 80s with Beta. But they had many Beta movies and up until then I hadn't even seen a vcr. We would watch movies that up until then I hadn't even heard of like Commando, Rambo, Goonies, Breakfast Club, and Karate Kid. They didn't put us in school the rest of that year after moving so we just hung out at the apartment. At first everything was perfect. We ate good and watched movies and had fun with all the local kids. My sister Michelle had to spend a lot of time studying with my aunt/mom Shirley because she was behind and wouldn't get to go to the next grade without learning to read better and math. Shirley spend countless hours helping. Shortly after moving in with them we moved to Pomona where we lived in a house off of Garey avenue and Arrow highway at I think 2233 Las Vegas avenue. Our house was the only one whose garage opened to Garey avenue. It actually opened to a car wash and behind that was a McDonalds, Taco Bell, New York Pizza, Stater Bros. I just looked at Google maps and the New York pizza place is now a Juan Pollo and the Stater Bros. is now a Dollar General Market. Funny thing is my cousin Joe and I got caught stealing candy bars from the Stater Bros. when I was in 5th grade. Very embarrassing. I started 5th grade at San Jose elementary school and I was a kid with issues. But that's a different story. I want to focus on my mom. For many years after we went to live with Dennis and Shirley I was an angry kid. In 5th grade I had a teacher Mrs. Barbee. She gave me detention for talking in class and I lost it. I threw a chair at her and they called my parents. Dennis and Shirley came to the school and Dennis beat my butt with the principal's paddle and then made me go to the class and apologize. This was a whole new world to me. I mean my mom's boyfriend Paul used to beat us but this was different. Life was not always easy. There were plenty of times when we would go to the LA fairgrounds and watch the races or go on rides or go to pizza. But there were plenty others when life was not easy. Rules were strict. Before we could go out and play on Saturdays we had to make sure our laundry was done, beds made, and our clothes were in the right drawer. I resented Shirley for a long time.  I blamed her for my mom not coming back and I didn't like the rules. I went to 5th and 6th grade at San Jose and then part of 7th grade at Palomares Junior High schoool before we moved to Phelan.

It wasn't until years later that I realized how much Dennis and Shirley actually did for us. Shirley was relentless. There was no let up. And she always caught us whenever we tried to get away with anything. I don't remember ever getting away with anything. We used to go to the First Assembly of God church on Arrow highway Wednesday's and Sunday's and I remember that is when they were proud of me. When I started getting noticed for the work I was doing at church they would show me love. So I reached out that way because it felt good. But I remember sitting in church not understanding how people were speaking in Tongues. I remember thinking how come God is speaking through all of these people but not me? But I look back and the lessons that they taught me were huge. Dennis was my uncle being my mother's brother but Shirley didn't have to do any of this. She had her two kids and now she was taking in 3 more kids that each had deep rooted issues. My brother was white, I'm half Mexican, and my sister is half black. I can't imagine what people thought when they looked at our family. I also don't know how they made it work. 5 kids to eat clothe and support must have been such a burden. I look back at my dad Dennis and I remember how selfless he was. He never had new shoes and hardly ever bought himself anything. He just got up everyday and went to work but as a kid I didn't appreciate that. But it wasn't until way later in life where I actually realized what Shirley(my mom) had done for me. The skills, discipline, respect, and appreciation she taught me were huge. I would not be anywhere close to where I am today without her. I might not be the most successful person but I've achieved more than I ever thought was possible. My 3 kids are healthy and mature because I was able to take what she taught me and apply it.

The reason I'm writing this is because she called me this morning and told me she has cancer again. She just finished fighting breast cancer and had to have one of her breasts removed. While she was going through it she was still taking care of kids and doing the things that you would only believe if you witnessed it. She's in her 60s now and she still takes care of 2 of my sister's kids, my other sister Tina's son, and her brother Joe's son. She doesn't know how to quit or stop helping. She raised another one of our cousins and then raised 3 other cousins. The selflessness was flowing in our household just between Shirley and Dennis. They hardly ever left on their own it was all about family. So she calls me this morning and tells me that she has lung cancer. Now, she never smoked when we were kids. She didn't start until my dad Dennis died a few years ago. After that she started to smoke because she was both stressed and depressed. He was everything in her world. I mean they had their issues and faught here and there but they loved each other completely. She also said that it's spread to part of her heart. So now after losing my mother last month my mom is now fighting for her life. In typical Shirley fashion she's going to fight it. The first doctor she talked to wouldn't do the surgery so she's looking for another. Since it's moved to her heart it'll be hard to do chemo so they have to operate and take the tumor out. It's very risky because of where it's at. I'm so very sad right now. For years I wanted both her and Dennis to move back out to CA from Oklahoma and retire. But they felt their work was not done. It still amazed me though how positive she sounded this morning. We still talked about other things but I know she's scared. I love her a lot and if anyone can beat it she will. I'll stay positive and hope for the best. But I will be talking to her a lot because she's the last parent I have.

GOP debate October 28 2015

GOP debate:

3 candidates maybe 4 should move on in my opinion, while a few should be gone. I did realize I'm a Republican at heart. Ever since Lincoln, my family has embraced this way of life. I will be honest though and admit I voted for Obama. I believed in a higher level of life back then. I believed that if he won as a race (human) we would realize judging by skin color is ridiculous. My point is that I don't care about parties! I look into a person's eyes and always have. I don't worry about lines. I support people. Ok, back to the 3 to 4 that won in my opinion. This might not be popular or accurate. 

Ted Cruz- i gained a lot of respect for Cruz today. Reminds me of me except he needs to relax a little. I relax too much but he doesn't relax enough.

Jeb Bush- eliminated in my opinion. Only reiterated Bush economics. Done!

Ben Carson- is not aggressive but when given the chance explains his stance. Also admitted he was wrong tonight. Still my favorite for a solid candidate.

Trump- he regained my respect tonight. I thought that he was being a disrespectful hater against Carson for energy before tonight. Tonight I feel Trump led in ways while alloeing others to lead in other ways. 

Fiorina - I have a different opinion than others. I know the real effect of her tenure at HP. Ok, not the entire story. But word on the street was not positive. Cut throat is how i would put it.

Chris Christy- honestly, I was impressed by Christie tonight. Doesn't mean I'm voting for him, just that he spoke up just like Cruz did and I respect that.

Winners to me?

1. Ted Cruz- he spoke up

2. Carson- I'm a fan +

3. Trump- seemed humble

4. Paul- made his point quickly

Losers?

1. Jeb Bush- repeated Bush economics and avoided direct answers.

2. Huckabee- He is the King of analogies. But I won't vote for him as President. Explain later.

3. Rubio- I won't even acknowledge this. Come back in 4 years.

Eliminated:

1. Bush

2. Rubio

3. Huckabee

Top 3

1. Carson

2. Trump

3. Cruz

Next 2

1. Chris Christie

2. Fiorina

My life's motto

I try to see the silver lining in things. Some have said there is always a positive side of everything. I do not see the positive side of everything. I'm human and I come short because I don't know what I don't know. But I am more often than not just happy existing. Some people have it bad. While I don't have it great I have it better than so many of my fellow humans out there. I love and appreciate how lucky I am and hope to never feel that I am better than anyone else. I still learn every day and hope to never sound like a know it all, dick, bitch, asshole, jerk, deusche, prick, etc. If I ever am I'm fine with people pointing it out. If you read or see something call me out. I might be sensitive at first but I will try to see your opinion objectively and unbiased as impossible as that sounds. Anyways, below is what I hope Is the minimum of my legacy.

Although my wins may have been few it never stopped me from celebrating.

Road Rage leads to the death of a 4 year old little girl

Yesterday a 4 year old girl (Lilly Garcia) was shot in the head while in the backseat of her father's truck. While her father (Alan Garcia) and another man (Tony Torrez) cut each other off and argued she probably sat scared in the backseat wondering what was going on. Tony Torrez then pulled out a gun and started shooting at the truck. One of the bullets hit little Lilly in the head and her 7 year old brother said to his father "she's bleeding". The little girl died and many peoples lives will never be the same because of it. This happened in Albuquerque, NM on the I-40. If you've never been to Albuquerque it's a fun city. There is a lot to do, especially if you're coming from one of the more isolated areas around there like I lived in Durango, CO. But it's also a very violent place. Just about every day on the news you'd see some sad situation and wonder what's wrong with people? I wanted to get tv from Denver because I figured it had to be better than to see what was happening in Albuquerque. We used to travel to Albuquerque from Durango because there was more for our family to do. There's a space museum, zoo, bowling alleys, and many places to eat. My favorite place to eat is downtown and it's a Mexican restaurant called Garcia's. But with all of it's positives it's like visiting Santa Ana, CA. you're fine unless you encounter the wrong person or group.

 Many people these days are angry, unhappy, insecure, helpless, and hopeless. It's just a micro example of a bigger problem going on in our society today. Life is getting harder for everyone. There are more people now and so more that need jobs, housing, food, water. Meaning it's a bit harder to obtain those items. If you get cut off on the freeway and cursed at and your first instinct is to grab a gun? Well, you might be a few of the descriptions I put above. I hope that nobody and nothing is worth going to prison or dying for but I know that's not true. If someone was to harm my family? They better watch out. But besides that situation I try to stay away from anger and violence. Doesn't mean it was always that way or that I don't slip from time to time and flip someone off. But in Albuquerque there is much violence and a the amount of Hispanics in the area is high so it does not surprise me that a Hispanic was involved. Many Hispanics are raised in big families so the amount of attention they get is small so sometimes they are insecure and seeking attention. Also, many are first or second generation from Mexico or other countries and so they don't have the financial resources that many people around them do. This also causes insecurity and sometimes resentment. I grew up that way. Always insecure because I was wearing shoes from Payless hoping that we would at least go to Big 5 for shoes. When I was even younger my insecurities would cause me to act out and be offensive before I had to be defensive. If you don't know these feelings it's sometimes hard to empathize with people in these situations.

Even though I empathize does not mean I sympathize for guys like Tony Torrez. I'm not a judge but looking at his past he's had many run ins with the law for violence even once with a gun. Many times people like Tony will continue to be violent until they are forced to confront those issues. I was forced to confront my anger issues and I'm happy for that. I didn't know what I didn't know meaning I was looking at things from the wrong perspective. When you change your point of view it can greatly affect the way you see things. Now, Tony will be doing time in prison. If you've ever been to prison or know someone who has you know that prison does not rehabilitate people. They might want you to think that but it's far from the truth. Even many guards are part of a system that abuses every part of what it was designed for. Guards will allow a new inmate to be abused by other inmates or will abuse them themselves. As soon as you get into population in prison you are forced to join a group based on ethnicity. Let me correct myself, you do have a choice but good luck saying no. On top of that all the criminals are put together to conspire and come up with ways to not get caught again if they get out. That's an entirely different topic though.

This is just another example of why it's hard to smile when every day we read about situations like this.

Here is a link to this story on Yahoo.

http://news.yahoo.com/fatal-shooting-4-old-began-traffic-lane-dispute-080037012.html

Tony Torrez - Once he finishes his sentence and is let out. Is he rehabilitated? In my personal opinion if you take someones life with murder you don't deserve another chance. A 4 year old doesn't get another day so why should this guy?

A dark society

I've always been a little too sensitive and emotional. Especially for a man. Men are taught to be strong and don't cry. When a little girl falls and skins her knee everyone drops everything to run to her. You hear things like "oh you poor baby", "are you ok princess", and "want me to kiss it and make it better". A boy does the same thing and they're told "boys don't cry", "it's just a scratch", and "man up". So when men and women grow up and try to get married and settle down they have a completely opposite way of thinking. Women want a man who's sensitive but also strong. To succeed in the American society you have to be willing to capitalize which is to take advantage. People admire those that are willing to take advantage of an opportunity even if it's not best for everyone. Now, that mentality has become a way of life. For someone like me, I would love nothing more than peace, unity, and love among everyone. But like Johnny Cash once said, "till times are brighter I'm the man in black". That is exactly how I feel in my life. Yes, on a daily basis I smile and look at the positives. I'm giddy and feel blessed just to be where I am today. Every day people reassure me that there is still hope for our civilization. I'm reassured by their actions, not their words. But I'm also discouraged by all of the hate, judgement, violence, poverty, and confusion.

I was upset that my baseball team lost and then I hear a fan was beaten in the parking lot of Dodger stadium, again! I don't understand how people can go from being competitive about a sport to be willing to kill someone because of it. Then I read this story today that brought everything into perspective for me.

I read this article on the Daily mail which is like any other online news agency, biased and controlled by a biased entity. But today let's ignore that and just read it as if it's just objective facts. This 12 year old boy in Guatemala was ambushed by gangland thugs who attempt to order him to shoot a bus driver or be killed himself. His father is a bus driver and so he refused to shoot the bus driver. The thugs give him the option to be killed by machetes or thrown off a bridge. He chose to be thrown off a bridge. His father and rescuers found him 3 days later still alive but dying. The picture of his father cradling him as he lay there dying makes me realize I'm a little whiny spoiled brat for even feeling my life is ever tough. This child showed so much courage and self sacrifice. He laid alone for 3 days and lived for 15 more days in the hospital.

The realization that people could be so cold and heartless as to give a 12 year old such an ultimatum is the reason I will never be completely satisfied with our society. I have a responsibility as a father to help my kids become responsible and healthy adults so I continue on. I have a mentality of trying to see the bright side and be happy. I do tend to be pessimistically optimistic or hope for the best and expect the worst. But more than a lot of others I just see the positive side of things. But even with that I struggle to know that at this very moment someone is suffering and I'm not doing anything about it. Yeah I know what a lot of you are thinking. You little bitch danny. Quit your crying. Yeah, I've told myself the same thing. I just don't understand how as a society with such beauty at our fingertips we can spend so much time fighting and clawing for things that don't matter. None of it matters. The most financially successful people in history still were not satisfied. Guys like JP Morgan, Rockefeller, and Andrew Carnegie amassed fortunes that would compare to the ending of a game of Monopoly. Each of them though eventually realized that money cannot by happiness and they started giving their money away. That's because we all realize at some pointing that giving gives us the most joy. We have our hearts, minds, and our guts to help us make decisions with the help of our conscience. Eventually I hope that we as a people will realize that we were all put here to achieve peace and harmony not to capitalize on each other. I just believe that we're past the point of being able to accomplish that and that's where my disparity of our dark society comes in.

Rest in Peace Angel Ariel Escalante Perez. May the positive forces of the universe bless you in a way fit for a real soldier. A soldier that refused to commit murder even in the face of death. Would you have the courage to say no if you were in his shoes? I can't say that I would but I'll always respect and have love for this 12 year old who died a bigger man than many who have died with large fortunes. 

Here is a link to the story. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3274165/Tragic-moment-father-finds-dying-son-12-three-days-thrown-450ft-bridge-refusing-murder-random-bus-driver-job-parent-years.html

My top 5

These are my Top 5 but like everything it's relative and changing. I probably have taste that other people don't agree with but that's what makes us all unique right? I also know I can't count Who am I missing?


Recent

1. Anthony Donoso- NCIS

2. Gregory House - House

3. Temperance Brennan- Bones

4. Robert Goren - Criminal Intent

5. Barney Stinson - how I met your mother


Top 5 all time

1. Will - fresh Prince

2. Zack morris - saved by the bell

3. Sam Malone - Cheers

4. Michael knight - knight rider

5. Hannibal - A-Team


Top 5 rappers


1. Tupac

2. Biggie Smalls

3. Snoop Dogg

4. Dr. Dre

5. Eminem

6. Eazy E

7. Outkast

8. Lil Wayne


Top 5 country artists

1. Johnny Cash

1. Garth Brooks,

2. Dwight Yokam

3. Randy Travis

4. Kenny Rogers

5. Hank Williams

6. Reba Mcintire


Top 5 Rock artists

1. Beatles

2. Metallica

3. Pink Floyd

4. Zeppelin

5. Doors



Top 5 Presidents

1. Abraham Lincoln

2. George Washington

3. Teddy Roosevelt

4. JFK

5. Benjamin Franklin (Yeah I know he wasn't president but still did better than many presidents when it comes to contributions to this country)


Top 5 cars

1. Bentley

2. Mercedez

3. BMW

4. Maserati

5. Ferrari

6. Lambo


Top 5 baseball players

1. Babe Ruth

2. Willie Mays

3. Hank Aaron,

4. Ken Griffey Jr.

5. Sandy Koufax (Dodger fan)


Top 5 Basketball players

1. Magic Johnson

2. Michael Jordan

3. Kareem

4. Larry Bird

5. Kobe Bryant

6. Lebron James

7. Shaq


Top 5 football players

1. Joe Montana

2. Jerry Rice

3. Barry Sanders

4. Ronnie Lott

5. Deion Sanders


Top 5 hotties

1. Cindy Crawford

2. Kelly Lebrock

3. Angelina Jolie

4. Jessica Biel

5. Alyssa Milano


Top 5 actors

1. James Stewart

2. Tom Hanks

3. Jack Nicholson

4. Harrison Ford

5. Leonardo Dicaprio/Will Smith/Denzel Washington

Top 5 Trilogies (all 3)
1. Star Wars (original 3)
2. Back to the Future
3. Iron Man
4. Batman (Christopher Nolan)
5. Lord of the Rings
6. Godfather
7. Toy Story
8. Indiana Jones

Another school shooting

There was another shooting at a school last week. This time in Oregon. I read that at least 9 are dead and more wounded when a 26 year old male Chris Harper-Mercer shot a teacher in the head and began to open fire on studuip[/why does it keep happening. If we take a moment to analyze, observe, empathize and reflect, it's obvious. Desperation. When someone feels desperate, rationality is not always there. It might not be reality but if the perpetrator feels or thinks that way that's what their reality is. Attention is another reason. The more people that exist means the more amount some people find as opposition. Once again, doesn't have to be reality just their reality. Albert Einstein once said "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Of course there are many factors because everyone is unique. Their experiences are unique as well. Most of the time the assailants didn't realize how fortunate they were, in my opinion. Let's take the UC Santa Barbara shootings committed by Elliott Rodger. A combination of entitlement and insecurities convinced Rodger that he was a victim. While one 22 year old can feel lucky just to have a job, a place to live, and a decent car to drive. Another can feel sorry for them self while receiving money from their parents, driving a paid for BMW, and living for free with no job. That entitlement makes them believe that something was owed to them that they did not get. Like a child throws a tantrum a mass murderer snaps and acts out. Once the vengeance is complete some feel remorse while others feel satisfied. The part that's not surprising is that it'll keep happening and get worse. Most of us contribute to some of the causes. Instead of treating each other with respect and the way we would like to be treated. We try to capitalize on each other and even eliminate. Free enterprise was a good idea but I think the idea of Capitalism creates a winner and a loser instead of a win/win for everyone. If there was a way to set a price on food/products/careers instead of making it all negotiable it might make things a little more balanced. The current system is more like a game of Monopoly where eventually someone wins. The different in America is that they try to keep Monopolies from happening like preventing TMobile and Verizon from merging. Any system that requires manual intervention and bailing out of large companies that would have failed otherwise in my opinion is not a solid system. The fact is that the system is broken and they're manipulating things to make it stay afloat which causes bigger problems later on. While they do things to keep it going citizens are feeling the squeeze. Our middle class has almost disapeared so that there is rich and poor. People grow up being told that they can accomplish anything but then they get older and it's not as easy as they were told. Some of these are entitled kids that were given everything growing up and so this sudden struggle is new to them and they don't know how to handle it. They're not used to the lack of attention that they used to receive and they desperately seek it. The only alternative in their mind is to create a scene so that people notice them.


http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/11/justice/oregon-high-school-shooting/




The part I was saying is our responsibility comes from our Capitalistic economy becoming a way of life. Think of it in simple terms. You're getting on the freeway and there is a line. Do you wait in line or do you try to get in front of the person in front of you? Many people will cut people off all day long and not think twice about it. It's natural for us to think of ways to take advantage or get ahead of others. I just read about another plot where kids were going to shoot up a school and had a list of students they were going to shoot. I'm curious to see the list and know what type of people were on there. Are they those kids that pick on other kids? Are they kids that the would be assailents are jealous of? I just see an increase in these shootings and wonder if there is any way for us to stop them.