A dark society

I've always been a little too sensitive and emotional. Especially for a man. Men are taught to be strong and don't cry. When a little girl falls and skins her knee everyone drops everything to run to her. You hear things like "oh you poor baby", "are you ok princess", and "want me to kiss it and make it better". A boy does the same thing and they're told "boys don't cry", "it's just a scratch", and "man up". So when men and women grow up and try to get married and settle down they have a completely opposite way of thinking. Women want a man who's sensitive but also strong. To succeed in the American society you have to be willing to capitalize which is to take advantage. People admire those that are willing to take advantage of an opportunity even if it's not best for everyone. Now, that mentality has become a way of life. For someone like me, I would love nothing more than peace, unity, and love among everyone. But like Johnny Cash once said, "till times are brighter I'm the man in black". That is exactly how I feel in my life. Yes, on a daily basis I smile and look at the positives. I'm giddy and feel blessed just to be where I am today. Every day people reassure me that there is still hope for our civilization. I'm reassured by their actions, not their words. But I'm also discouraged by all of the hate, judgement, violence, poverty, and confusion.

I was upset that my baseball team lost and then I hear a fan was beaten in the parking lot of Dodger stadium, again! I don't understand how people can go from being competitive about a sport to be willing to kill someone because of it. Then I read this story today that brought everything into perspective for me.

I read this article on the Daily mail which is like any other online news agency, biased and controlled by a biased entity. But today let's ignore that and just read it as if it's just objective facts. This 12 year old boy in Guatemala was ambushed by gangland thugs who attempt to order him to shoot a bus driver or be killed himself. His father is a bus driver and so he refused to shoot the bus driver. The thugs give him the option to be killed by machetes or thrown off a bridge. He chose to be thrown off a bridge. His father and rescuers found him 3 days later still alive but dying. The picture of his father cradling him as he lay there dying makes me realize I'm a little whiny spoiled brat for even feeling my life is ever tough. This child showed so much courage and self sacrifice. He laid alone for 3 days and lived for 15 more days in the hospital.

The realization that people could be so cold and heartless as to give a 12 year old such an ultimatum is the reason I will never be completely satisfied with our society. I have a responsibility as a father to help my kids become responsible and healthy adults so I continue on. I have a mentality of trying to see the bright side and be happy. I do tend to be pessimistically optimistic or hope for the best and expect the worst. But more than a lot of others I just see the positive side of things. But even with that I struggle to know that at this very moment someone is suffering and I'm not doing anything about it. Yeah I know what a lot of you are thinking. You little bitch danny. Quit your crying. Yeah, I've told myself the same thing. I just don't understand how as a society with such beauty at our fingertips we can spend so much time fighting and clawing for things that don't matter. None of it matters. The most financially successful people in history still were not satisfied. Guys like JP Morgan, Rockefeller, and Andrew Carnegie amassed fortunes that would compare to the ending of a game of Monopoly. Each of them though eventually realized that money cannot by happiness and they started giving their money away. That's because we all realize at some pointing that giving gives us the most joy. We have our hearts, minds, and our guts to help us make decisions with the help of our conscience. Eventually I hope that we as a people will realize that we were all put here to achieve peace and harmony not to capitalize on each other. I just believe that we're past the point of being able to accomplish that and that's where my disparity of our dark society comes in.

Rest in Peace Angel Ariel Escalante Perez. May the positive forces of the universe bless you in a way fit for a real soldier. A soldier that refused to commit murder even in the face of death. Would you have the courage to say no if you were in his shoes? I can't say that I would but I'll always respect and have love for this 12 year old who died a bigger man than many who have died with large fortunes. 

Here is a link to the story. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3274165/Tragic-moment-father-finds-dying-son-12-three-days-thrown-450ft-bridge-refusing-murder-random-bus-driver-job-parent-years.html

My top 5

These are my Top 5 but like everything it's relative and changing. I probably have taste that other people don't agree with but that's what makes us all unique right? I also know I can't count Who am I missing?


Recent

1. Anthony Donoso- NCIS

2. Gregory House - House

3. Temperance Brennan- Bones

4. Robert Goren - Criminal Intent

5. Barney Stinson - how I met your mother


Top 5 all time

1. Will - fresh Prince

2. Zack morris - saved by the bell

3. Sam Malone - Cheers

4. Michael knight - knight rider

5. Hannibal - A-Team


Top 5 rappers


1. Tupac

2. Biggie Smalls

3. Snoop Dogg

4. Dr. Dre

5. Eminem

6. Eazy E

7. Outkast

8. Lil Wayne


Top 5 country artists

1. Johnny Cash

1. Garth Brooks,

2. Dwight Yokam

3. Randy Travis

4. Kenny Rogers

5. Hank Williams

6. Reba Mcintire


Top 5 Rock artists

1. Beatles

2. Metallica

3. Pink Floyd

4. Zeppelin

5. Doors



Top 5 Presidents

1. Abraham Lincoln

2. George Washington

3. Teddy Roosevelt

4. JFK

5. Benjamin Franklin (Yeah I know he wasn't president but still did better than many presidents when it comes to contributions to this country)


Top 5 cars

1. Bentley

2. Mercedez

3. BMW

4. Maserati

5. Ferrari

6. Lambo


Top 5 baseball players

1. Babe Ruth

2. Willie Mays

3. Hank Aaron,

4. Ken Griffey Jr.

5. Sandy Koufax (Dodger fan)


Top 5 Basketball players

1. Magic Johnson

2. Michael Jordan

3. Kareem

4. Larry Bird

5. Kobe Bryant

6. Lebron James

7. Shaq


Top 5 football players

1. Joe Montana

2. Jerry Rice

3. Barry Sanders

4. Ronnie Lott

5. Deion Sanders


Top 5 hotties

1. Cindy Crawford

2. Kelly Lebrock

3. Angelina Jolie

4. Jessica Biel

5. Alyssa Milano


Top 5 actors

1. James Stewart

2. Tom Hanks

3. Jack Nicholson

4. Harrison Ford

5. Leonardo Dicaprio/Will Smith/Denzel Washington

Top 5 Trilogies (all 3)
1. Star Wars (original 3)
2. Back to the Future
3. Iron Man
4. Batman (Christopher Nolan)
5. Lord of the Rings
6. Godfather
7. Toy Story
8. Indiana Jones

Another school shooting

There was another shooting at a school last week. This time in Oregon. I read that at least 9 are dead and more wounded when a 26 year old male Chris Harper-Mercer shot a teacher in the head and began to open fire on studuip[/why does it keep happening. If we take a moment to analyze, observe, empathize and reflect, it's obvious. Desperation. When someone feels desperate, rationality is not always there. It might not be reality but if the perpetrator feels or thinks that way that's what their reality is. Attention is another reason. The more people that exist means the more amount some people find as opposition. Once again, doesn't have to be reality just their reality. Albert Einstein once said "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Of course there are many factors because everyone is unique. Their experiences are unique as well. Most of the time the assailants didn't realize how fortunate they were, in my opinion. Let's take the UC Santa Barbara shootings committed by Elliott Rodger. A combination of entitlement and insecurities convinced Rodger that he was a victim. While one 22 year old can feel lucky just to have a job, a place to live, and a decent car to drive. Another can feel sorry for them self while receiving money from their parents, driving a paid for BMW, and living for free with no job. That entitlement makes them believe that something was owed to them that they did not get. Like a child throws a tantrum a mass murderer snaps and acts out. Once the vengeance is complete some feel remorse while others feel satisfied. The part that's not surprising is that it'll keep happening and get worse. Most of us contribute to some of the causes. Instead of treating each other with respect and the way we would like to be treated. We try to capitalize on each other and even eliminate. Free enterprise was a good idea but I think the idea of Capitalism creates a winner and a loser instead of a win/win for everyone. If there was a way to set a price on food/products/careers instead of making it all negotiable it might make things a little more balanced. The current system is more like a game of Monopoly where eventually someone wins. The different in America is that they try to keep Monopolies from happening like preventing TMobile and Verizon from merging. Any system that requires manual intervention and bailing out of large companies that would have failed otherwise in my opinion is not a solid system. The fact is that the system is broken and they're manipulating things to make it stay afloat which causes bigger problems later on. While they do things to keep it going citizens are feeling the squeeze. Our middle class has almost disapeared so that there is rich and poor. People grow up being told that they can accomplish anything but then they get older and it's not as easy as they were told. Some of these are entitled kids that were given everything growing up and so this sudden struggle is new to them and they don't know how to handle it. They're not used to the lack of attention that they used to receive and they desperately seek it. The only alternative in their mind is to create a scene so that people notice them.


http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/11/justice/oregon-high-school-shooting/




The part I was saying is our responsibility comes from our Capitalistic economy becoming a way of life. Think of it in simple terms. You're getting on the freeway and there is a line. Do you wait in line or do you try to get in front of the person in front of you? Many people will cut people off all day long and not think twice about it. It's natural for us to think of ways to take advantage or get ahead of others. I just read about another plot where kids were going to shoot up a school and had a list of students they were going to shoot. I'm curious to see the list and know what type of people were on there. Are they those kids that pick on other kids? Are they kids that the would be assailents are jealous of? I just see an increase in these shootings and wonder if there is any way for us to stop them.

Ben Carson

I have to be honest. I'm not a political expert or really an expert in anything. I'm what they consider a jack of A lot of (real term is jack of all) trades but master of none. But, I do have a lot of common sense. It gets undervalued because of the common part but in all honesty? I don't believe it's completely common. For example. I'm voting for Ben Carson if he makes it to the primary. Chances are he won't make it and I'll have to vote for one of the other candidates. Someone told me that it's silly to vote for Ben Carson, because "what does a surgeon know about running a country?" I know, that evokes so much response from everyone. But why? Ben Carson in my opinion has more qualifications and intangibles than Barak Obama. That's my opinion so please state your opinion. If I could vote for anyone in the world? Well, that's not allowed. It has to be a US citizen. If it didn't have to be I'd vote Elon Musk. Since it has to be, why not Ben instead of the rest of options? I'll discuss my opinion of every candidate, especially the ones I watched in the GOP debate last week. I'll be honest if I don't know, hopefully. If not, call me out. I do get carried away sometimes. Ben Carson speaks to me more than Huckabee, Christie, perry, Trump, etc. I was on team Trump, but then Ben Carson decided to run. Ben Carson has solved puzzles that nobody else has even realized were possible. No, seriously. Too many firsts to list. Trump has continued a family legacy while Ben Carson has redefined reality. Don't let this Ben slip by for imperfections just like we did the Benjamin on the 100 dollar bill. After hearing him in the debate, I feel even more sure about him. If there was a candidate that had some history in fighting corrupt ploiticians, and founding true non-profit orgs without profit? I would vote for him. There are some other criteria that would be nice too. But, since that doesn't exist, who will you and I vote for?

brotherhood (poetry)

Im down with this Russian. Hiding out in Pak after leaving Afghanistan. No hostility so no rushin. No need for hush money. But yes we need to keep running. Others below us are gunning so our detractors we're shunning. My sub-conscience is cunning, another brunette thats stunning. Driver in the parking lot keeping the hummer humming. My muse is strumming. Im amused by this game. Everyone is laughing but i dont find this funny. Haters will hate like bees to honey. I wish i could not give a fuck about money. Im ignoring my real mission here on earth to chAse this paper like a dummy. Before i get stuffed in a box like a mummy. I think theres something deeper in my tummy. So lets get out of this rut and make a difference in my lifetime. Everything in life is relative so in my mind im living in a plush kingdom. Vodka/rum/whiskey top shelf fuck it. Why order anything but the best when its all inclusive.

adhd spinning (poetry)

I heard this track last night. Combine it with today's events and it felt absurd to hold back. Alright now but at the time I felt out of whack. Times like a sequence all facts my thoughts are all stacked. Wish I could release them in order but my adhd has me all jumbled like a hard drive. Fragmented in disarray why do I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack? Like I walked away for 5 minutes and the ants got my picnic and now my plans are all crashed. Toss back some bottles now my equilibriums all off track. I'm smashed and in the morning my memorie's all black. But today my luck is back. I'm in a casino and everyting is going my way like the deck is stacked. Blonde on my left brunette on the right, roulette wheel spinning. Bitches be grinning cause grips of chips were winning. I don't give a fuck so money I'm spending. It don't matter about tomorrow as long as tonight I'm winning. But I take a moment to recollect, my thoughts are all specs.

Goodbye mom

I hate not being normal. I always have. All I ever wanted was to fit in. But it's hard when you're so different. From the color of my skin, the way I think, and the way I view the world. Right on queue though my mom's husband calls and tells me my mother died today Tuesday, August 18, 2015. I had to go back and edit a bit because i tried to just keep writing, oblivious to what I had just been told.But as usual I start feeling sorry for myself and something bigger happens and makes me feel dumb. I'm numb right now. I love my mom, a lot. Always have. But I was also angry with her for a long time. Why did she leave us? Why didn't she come back? So many questions flooded my mind for a lot of years.

But even after not hearing from her for 25 years I still love her unconditionally. I don't know all of the demons she carried with her. I just know that for a lot of my life I just wanted to be normal. I wanted a mother and a father. I wanted to have my own room and the same last name as my mom and dad. To have them show up at parent teacher conferences and to watch me play little league. I was jealous and envious of all those that had what I perceived as a normal life. My cousin Ruben has a mother and father who love him. They went to his baseball games and hug him. I didn't have that as a child. But i don't want to be a whiner or get sympathy, I just want to be normal. It's weird what I remember about my mom. In the 80s seat belts were not mandatory. We'd be driving down the street and if she stopped suddenly she would put her arm in front of me to stop me from going forward. This always brings a smile to my face. There is no way her arm could have prevented anything, but that one act made me smile so many times while she was gone over the years. Or one year when I was young and she didn't have any money. She baked cupcakes cause they were cheaper than a cake. When she was gone memories like that made me miss her more.

She was born Lenora Rae Jones on October 9th, 1949 in Odessa, TX. She died Lenora Rae Brunsch on Tuesday, August 18th, 2015 in Waukesha, WI. She is survived by her husband Greg Brunsch, sisters Debra and Sandra Jones, sons michael and danny, and daughter michelle. She had many talents. When we did live with her she was loving and never yelled. She would get me soft batch cookies and 7up when I was sick and she had a beautiful smile. Now I'm writing 3 days later on Friday August 21st. I'm in California and I find myself getting upset with myself for not going and seeing her in Wisconsin. My sister did and she's in Oklahoma. We kept saying when but it never happened. I was suppose to go to a Brewers and Packers game with her and her husband.

I'm trying not to beat myself up but I can't help it. She wanted to be cremated which happened yesterday. During the day I'm at work and I try to not let people know about it or look for sympathy. At night I sit by myself and go over memories. But no matter what she's gone. I did keep all of her voice mails that she left on my phone since we found each other again after 25 years in 2013. I listened to them the last few days and I'm sure I will in the future as well. Rest in peace mom. Know that no matter what happened I love you and I'm happy we were able to get closure with each other. That I was able to express to you that I could never hate you and when I think of you I smile. My mom lived a complicated life but she did it her way.

Now it's October 9th and my mom would have turned 66 today. I wish I would have spent more time with her and would have should have could have. But reality is what it is. I miss her every day and Rest In Peace.