brotherhood (poetry)

Im down with this Russian. Hiding out in Pak after leaving Afghanistan. No hostility so no rushin. No need for hush money. But yes we need to keep running. Others below us are gunning so our detractors we're shunning. My sub-conscience is cunning, another brunette thats stunning. Driver in the parking lot keeping the hummer humming. My muse is strumming. Im amused by this game. Everyone is laughing but i dont find this funny. Haters will hate like bees to honey. I wish i could not give a fuck about money. Im ignoring my real mission here on earth to chAse this paper like a dummy. Before i get stuffed in a box like a mummy. I think theres something deeper in my tummy. So lets get out of this rut and make a difference in my lifetime. Everything in life is relative so in my mind im living in a plush kingdom. Vodka/rum/whiskey top shelf fuck it. Why order anything but the best when its all inclusive.

adhd spinning (poetry)

I heard this track last night. Combine it with today's events and it felt absurd to hold back. Alright now but at the time I felt out of whack. Times like a sequence all facts my thoughts are all stacked. Wish I could release them in order but my adhd has me all jumbled like a hard drive. Fragmented in disarray why do I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack? Like I walked away for 5 minutes and the ants got my picnic and now my plans are all crashed. Toss back some bottles now my equilibriums all off track. I'm smashed and in the morning my memorie's all black. But today my luck is back. I'm in a casino and everyting is going my way like the deck is stacked. Blonde on my left brunette on the right, roulette wheel spinning. Bitches be grinning cause grips of chips were winning. I don't give a fuck so money I'm spending. It don't matter about tomorrow as long as tonight I'm winning. But I take a moment to recollect, my thoughts are all specs.

Goodbye mom

I hate not being normal. I always have. All I ever wanted was to fit in. But it's hard when you're so different. From the color of my skin, the way I think, and the way I view the world. Right on queue though my mom's husband calls and tells me my mother died today Tuesday, August 18, 2015. I had to go back and edit a bit because i tried to just keep writing, oblivious to what I had just been told.But as usual I start feeling sorry for myself and something bigger happens and makes me feel dumb. I'm numb right now. I love my mom, a lot. Always have. But I was also angry with her for a long time. Why did she leave us? Why didn't she come back? So many questions flooded my mind for a lot of years.

But even after not hearing from her for 25 years I still love her unconditionally. I don't know all of the demons she carried with her. I just know that for a lot of my life I just wanted to be normal. I wanted a mother and a father. I wanted to have my own room and the same last name as my mom and dad. To have them show up at parent teacher conferences and to watch me play little league. I was jealous and envious of all those that had what I perceived as a normal life. My cousin Ruben has a mother and father who love him. They went to his baseball games and hug him. I didn't have that as a child. But i don't want to be a whiner or get sympathy, I just want to be normal. It's weird what I remember about my mom. In the 80s seat belts were not mandatory. We'd be driving down the street and if she stopped suddenly she would put her arm in front of me to stop me from going forward. This always brings a smile to my face. There is no way her arm could have prevented anything, but that one act made me smile so many times while she was gone over the years. Or one year when I was young and she didn't have any money. She baked cupcakes cause they were cheaper than a cake. When she was gone memories like that made me miss her more.

She was born Lenora Rae Jones on October 9th, 1949 in Odessa, TX. She died Lenora Rae Brunsch on Tuesday, August 18th, 2015 in Waukesha, WI. She is survived by her husband Greg Brunsch, sisters Debra and Sandra Jones, sons michael and danny, and daughter michelle. She had many talents. When we did live with her she was loving and never yelled. She would get me soft batch cookies and 7up when I was sick and she had a beautiful smile. Now I'm writing 3 days later on Friday August 21st. I'm in California and I find myself getting upset with myself for not going and seeing her in Wisconsin. My sister did and she's in Oklahoma. We kept saying when but it never happened. I was suppose to go to a Brewers and Packers game with her and her husband.

I'm trying not to beat myself up but I can't help it. She wanted to be cremated which happened yesterday. During the day I'm at work and I try to not let people know about it or look for sympathy. At night I sit by myself and go over memories. But no matter what she's gone. I did keep all of her voice mails that she left on my phone since we found each other again after 25 years in 2013. I listened to them the last few days and I'm sure I will in the future as well. Rest in peace mom. Know that no matter what happened I love you and I'm happy we were able to get closure with each other. That I was able to express to you that I could never hate you and when I think of you I smile. My mom lived a complicated life but she did it her way.

Now it's October 9th and my mom would have turned 66 today. I wish I would have spent more time with her and would have should have could have. But reality is what it is. I miss her every day and Rest In Peace.

Classism

We're in a new era in society. With still so many naive people hating over race and gender they don't realize the real separation. That separation is class. Barack Obama might be a black man on the outside but he's an elitist more than anything. He might have come from humble beginnings born to a Kenyan father and mother from Kansas but now he belongs to a different society. There's a society of elitists that believe the lower classes belong to a different society than they do. They believe they know what we need and want more than we know what we need or want. These classists associate based on money and power not race. While many of us normal citizens spend time hating based on color they see us all as the same. People put here to be controlled like sheep.

Instead of us hating each other based on such superficial things like color we should show support for our fellow man that's in a similar situation as us. Are they not fighting the same battle as we are? Are they not trying to support their family the same way you are? So why do we care so much what color someone is but we allow Congress to force us to have healthcare that they don't even use? Why do we care so much about random peoples opinions but we don't care that the elitists continue to make us do things that they don't force themselves to do? Seems like a do as I say not as I do attitude doesn't it? This is where the gray areas come in. People try to associate certain sterotypes with specific ethnic groups or colors. Well sterotypes do generally come from some truth that is assumed to be universal. An example is that some black people are gang member so they all must be. Or some hispanics are here illegally and taking advantage of the system so they all must be. The truth is that there are plenty of good and bad people in every color. If you disagree it says more about you than it does reality.

God over religion

People might get the wrong impression about me by only reading what I write. So much of this is what I think, not all of what I do or say. So many times I'm too much of a coward to say or do. The rest Of the time I'm either too lazy or probably too proud. Just trying to be honest. I write about religion sometimes as if I don' agree, support, or understand. I just believe that religion plays too big a part in peoples lives. Be thankful, thank God, thank those, and be happy. The moment you worship a religion instead of God? You're going in the wrong direction. Don't believe me, or dismiss what I write? How many religions accept other religions? If you automatically exclude someone based on their religion, how do you speak to all people? You either convince them to join your religion at that point, or you rebuke their religion. Why not support your God with the love you have in your heart while using the conscience given to you by a higher power.

 The Bible was not written by God, it was written by man. Then, it was translated a bunch of times, by man manipulating to their advantage. Many people have been stranded or stuck without a Bible, Koran, or Book of Mormon and come out of the ordeal thanking God. God lives in you just as the scriptures of Jesus state. "With the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains". Yes, I'm quoting a verse about the son of God from a book I say was written by man. That's because in my heart I believe that it's true. In some ways I'm a hyprocrite. But I do know that people believe I'm not. I also know that people believe God lives within them. I also believe God lives within me. Just don't try to come tell me if I dont accept your God then my life is hopeless. Or worse, your God tells you that you must conquer me for not accepting that your opinion of your religion and with translations explained to you by many different people is fact!

Political Correctness vs. reality and truth

Our society has gone far down a road of political correctness instead of truth. Politically correct is just an accepted way of lying to you. When someone speaks they should speak the truth, not say it in a way that will make everyone accept it. One example is below where society bashed someone for having an opinion. People should be free to think and feel however they want. Then others are allowed to agree or disagree with them. Just recently a Nobel prize winner made comments about female colleagues. It was a statement by one man and it was actually accurate when it comes to men and women throughout history. But because of the feminist movement people get their feelings hurt and lash out wanting someone to be punished for their opinion. That's exactly what happened. Tim Hunt is the Nobel Prize winner and he was forced to resign after making comments during his acceptance speach. Around the same time Joyce Mitchell who worked at a maximum security prison fell in love with 2 murderers and helped them escape from prison. What do these have to do with each other? In my opinion Joyce Mitchell proved that what Tim Hunt said has some truth to it. That doesn't mean all women fall into the category but.....


A Nobel prize winner recently made some sexist jokes in his speech about how female coworkers either fall in love with you, you fall in love with them, or they cry when criticized. The backlash from his acceptance speech for the award was so overwhelming that he resigned his position. So the world lost a great scientist because he gave his opinion?
http://twitter.com/connie_stlouis/status/607813783075954688/photo/1

A female employee at the Rhikers island correctional facility was arrested for assisting in the escape of two life term convicted murderers. We scold a Nobel Prize award winner for making a statement and less than a week later a female falls in love with an institutionalized criminal? Tim Hunt made those comments and he only said what is statistically correct. People are so sensitive. We forced a nobel prize winner to resign because he made an awkward joke but allow female prison employees to have sex and fall in love with murderers and rapists? Sneaking hacksaw blades in through hamburger? I think I saw that on an episode of ducktales! Women are 70 percent more likely to have a relationship with a prisoner than men are.! Although it is poitically incorrect to say what Tim Hunt said it's statistically true. Here's the article for the story. Why are we so concerned with one man's comments but seem to dismiss a huge problem of women falling in love with their students and violent inmates?

http://kfor.com/2015/06/09/new-york-prison-escape-female-prison-employee-questioned-as-possible-accomplice/

Honesty?

I'm naturally outspoken as a person. I generally have no filter. But as a man that has obligations I'm forced to conform in many ways unless I want the judgement cast upon me from countless sources. One example is my belief in individual freedoms. Let's just say your boss is a very conservative person. Your boss openly expresses his belief that he is a devout Christian and gay marriage is a sin. Or that he is a hard core Republican while you have a different view. Can you really express your beliefs openly without limiting your opportunities in the future with him as your boss? People will try to say that everyone has freedom of speech and you should be able to express your beliefs without the fear of retaliation. But the reality is that you don't have that freedom. You do have the freedom to express yourself but you don't have the guarantee that you will not be penalized for your view. As soon as you enter the discussion and give your opinion that you don't think is anyone's business to tell you who you can or can't marry and that you'd vote for a democrat if you believed in him as an American? You've just affected your future in this boss' department. Don't pretend for a second that you're free to have your opinion. That boss might tell  you that you are free to have your opinion, but when it comes down to you and the other person going for a promotion? If that other person shares his viewpoint, or pretends he does? Well, he's going to have an advantage over you. So although I'm outspoken I'm trapped in this realm of only saying so much or I risk alienation.

    Back to my point. Everyone is allowed to have their opinion.Or at least they should. I see situations daily that I feel one way but it's an opinion that might be contreversial compared to what the popular opinion would be. In the past I have been open with that opinion. Although I am proud of that it has hurt me in many ways. Especially in the workplace. By the time I am done with a conversation there is always going to be someone who does not agree. Most of the time it's around 50/50. But why should I hide the fact that I'm going to vote for Ben Carson? Because he's a Republican? Or because he's not a politician? I thought I wanted Donald Trump who is a Democrat (?). Where do I stand as a party affiliate there? Sprinkle in a little bit about my religious beliefs and I've already taken 50/50 and made it 25/25/25/25 at the best hope. But why should I alter my viewpoint based on what will be popular? I think that people who say that God made marriage between a man and a woman and that they will not accept it are assuming too much. Did God come to you personally and say that you should go out and judge two men or two women for getting married? If you say yes then you are absolutely lying. The fact is that nobody has the bible! God's word has been altered from its original state to suit man. Now you're really confused!? I believe in a higher power, I don't doubt it at all. But I won't drink the Kool Aid to think that a world that started with a few corrupt systems comprising a few staple religions are telling the complete truth. The biggest disagreement I have with it all is that any one of the choices are completely correct. Islam? Christianity? Mormon? Judaism? Jehovah's witnesses? All of them will tell you that their word is correct yet every other religion will tell you that the other is wrong. How could one God speak to all of these humans? The answer is that every option has some great message to share with the masses. But to believe that one has all of the answers? I would say you're foolish to believe that. If you tell me I'm crazy to not believe that I would ask you which camp you belong too. Then I would ask you how you expect to get all of the other groups to believe if you judge them for not believing everything you believe? You get more bees with honey. Why not find the beliefs that all share and focus on those and then figure out the rest?

I really think that we're in trouble as a society. I don't think 8 billion people can agree to disagree and live in peace while eliminating what causes these issues. We've already passed the point of no return. But should I try and make a difference or continue to just be politically correct and keep my beliefs quiet?