Tulsa Oklahoma police officer Betty Shelby was arrested for manslaughter after shooting Terence Crutcher.
This is another situation in which there is video taken of the incident. Not one but actually multiple. I find it amazing that we can all watch a video of a situation and so many different views of what happened. I watch it and in the helicopter video I cannot hear anything so technically I don't know if the police are telling him to freeze or stop moving. They obviously told him to put his hands up because he has them up most of the time. There is also a police video but it's from behind the officer that shoots Terence so you can't really see what's going on. I also could not completely hear what's going on. So for me there is no way for me to know exactly what happened. What I do know is that Terence takes his hands down and appears to reach into the vehicle.
The officer has stated that she told him to stop and he not only didn't stop but didn't answer her questions. If she told him to freeze and put his hands up then why did he not listen? I've heard his sister speaking out about this and how he's a respectable man. About how the guy in the helicopter can be heard saying he looks like a bad man and that it looks like he's on something. She also talked about how the cops had no good reason to make him put his hands in the air in the first place. My opinion is that none of that matters when deciding whether the officer had cause to shoot him. It doesn't matter who he is as an individual or whether the guy in the helicopter was profiling. None of that matters in respects to the shooting. The helicopter pilot can be accused of making inappropriate comments. But that is completely separate from the shooting.
All I need to know for the shooting is whether officer Shelby's training reinforces her actions. We as civilians have no idea what it's like in a moment like that. I do know that people should listen to the commands given by police whether they think they deserve it or not. If they disagree they can file a report. Eventually, if enough people complain about an officer they'll be disciplined. That's our system we created we have to follow it. Or fix it as a society. But going with the facts it sure looks like Terence Crutcher disobeyed commands to stop, answer questions, keep his hands up, etc. Just because there was no gun found at the scene does not mean there was not a threat that he did have one. To me it doesn't matter if he's black or white.
At one point he can be clearly seen taking his hand down and reaching into the car. At that point how is an officer supposed to know what he's reaching for? People are also saying she should have tased him instead. When you're in a moment of wondering if someone is going to pull out an AR15 and start shooting I don't know if the mind of some people works fast enough to choose. I also don't specifically know what her training says. I do know that if I had several police pointing guns at me and they told me to freeze and put my hands in the air? You better believe I'm going to stand as still as possible and keep my hands in the air as high as possible. You tell me to jump I'm going to say how high? If they shoot me the video is no doubt going to show they acted inappropriately. By disobeying multiple commands it gives benefit of the doubt as to whether the officer was acting inappropriately. Nothing anyone else said or did matters when discussing the actual shooting. Are some cops racist, yes. Are they all, no.
I feel horrible for Terence's family, I also feel horrible for Betty Shelby. If it turns out she is a bad person then I won't feel as horrible for whatever happens to her. That's a sinister thought though isn't it? Assuming that she is a racist killer instead of looking objectively and realizing the situation got out of hand? That sounds like a dark place to me. I hope an organization wouldn't hire someone that believes a black man deserves less justice and equality than a white man. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but as a whole I hope that we are way more mature than that as a society. Terence should have followed orders like we all have to do sometimes. I'm not judging him just pointing out that people are rushing to judgement but the simple fact is that with guns pointed at him he continued to disobey orders. Yes, I wish there was a way for them to have tased him instead. But, for people to just align this with all other shootings by cops of black individuals is gross negligence. Whether the man was white or black he still put himself in the situation by continuing to walk to his vehicle, then taking his hands down, and also appearing to reach into the vehicle. I just ask people to respect the police and do as your told. Don't challenge them while they have guns pointed at you. Your life is too valuable and expecting another human to perform brilliantly in the moment of stress and crisis is outside of your control. Instead keep yourself alive to go home to your family. Death is way more serious than profiling, racism, lack of sympathy/empathy. Live to fight another day. After this was done he could have sued and forced changes for things like media in helicopters making rash judgments about whether someone is a bad person or on drugs. Put focus on whether the police had the right to stop him or pull guns on him. Instead, we're discussing another situation where no matter what your opinion is. There is no clear fault in this situation. Only another person not going home to their family and another police officer facing charges as well as living the rest of her life knowing she killed a man.
I often reflect. It gives me perspective of where I've been and where I'm going. Although I do not dwell on the past I often become depressed in the moment. I'm consistently a positive thinking person, but I think I tend to write more when I'm down. I think it's because I prefer to talk about the positive things where as people don't like to focus on the negatives. They're uncomfortable talking about anything people might construe as not politically correct or happy thoughts. But as I turned 40 on September 2nd I've done a lot of thinking about where I've been and where I'm going.
First, let me state that I've accomplished more than I ever hoped to in life. As a poor kid from the streets of Southern California I see now that my goals were small and my expectations tempered. At 17 years old I thought that I would be content with 65,000 dollars a year salary with no thoughts of a family. While already exceeding that salary and also having a family I feel that my life has already peaked. Is this my mind once again aiming too low? With my youngest child nearly 17 years old I'm nearing the end of my era of kids. Although parenting never ends I believe in treating them like adults, especially once they turn 18. I feel that if you are open with kids and put more of the responsibility of their future on them, they adapt to the responsibilities. I have no special formula for raising kids but I do believe that with trust, love, and honesty you can gain their confidence, loyalty, and trust. I also don't put any expectations on them as far as careers and making money. I simply have stressed to them the importance of finding happiness and peace.
As a child I remember my parents telling me to become a doctor or a lawyer because that's where the money is. But for a person who can't even watch surgeries on tv shows and can't stand ruthless people those careers were out of the question. Instead, I went for what I had a knack for that also pays well. Computers were something I already spent many hours around so why not make it a career. It's also not a career where your body breaks down doing it. Although I should have taken into consideration the damage it has done to my eyes. Like they say though hindsight's 20/20. As a computer guy I've enjoyed some success and some frustration. Although the work is not physically strenuous in my career it is strenuous on the nerves. I've been responsible for every door and camera working at an airport and government but to me the money doesn't reflect that kind of risk. I've had directors of airports breathing down my neck while our sales guy sat and chatted about golf at the same time. But I can think of many worse careers so overall I am satisfied with my career choice. My other choices were to stay in and retire from the Navy, fireman, restaurant manager, or banker.
With my kids I have allowed them to envision their own futures and embrace the passions that they feel. My 22 year old daughter was fairly easy. Although I did not see her married and having a child by the age of 22 I did see her as either an English teacher or a nurse. Now that she is a medical assistant going to school for her nursing degree I feel I was close. My 18 year old starts school at UC Irvine on September 22nd and is currently slotted for either business management or business economics. Since he excels in math and passed the AP Calculus test in high school I felt that he should incorporate his passion of sports into what he excels at. I don't know if he'll integrate sports into his career or if he'll change his mind about his major. I do know that he is a confident young man who is also a good person. I have confidence he'll continue to think things through and be happy at whatever it is he decides. My 16 year old is the final piece of the puzzle. He is the most gifted of my three kids although he doesn't always work at it. He also has a heart of gold and warms my heart with the way he treats others. With a passion for writing and theatre he also excels in science. He was just awarded the lead role in the fall high school play and he constantly reads and writes. I can see him as someone who performs on broadway or becomes an english teacher who also works to become a successful published author. Whether they achieve these goals I am very excited for each of their futures and honestly could not be any happier with the individuals they have become.
For me, I hate to sound negative but I feel I've had my better days. I no longer have the perception that the world is a wonderful place or that you can achieve whatever you want through hard work and dedication. There are gray areas that surround us and sometimes you also need luck and help. As a kid who moved out of the house before I turned 17 I came from humble beginnings. Often sleeping in places like a car at a lake or unknown apartments. I learned very early how to look out for myself as well as my brother and sister. I've witnessed too much violence and started my adult life off with too much anger. As I see many people around me receive support from their families I have very little family. Although I reconnected with my mother in 2013 I never saw her again after 1989. She left us when I was in fourth grade and I also have never met my father. I often look at others who had seemingly normal childhoods with jealousy and envy. People who could reach out and borrow some money or if needed move back into their parents house. Instead, I've had to pay rent like clockwork since I was 16. I'm so tired sometimes. But I prefer not to ask for it to be any other way. In life you better be careful what you ask for. Instead I take my lessons and try to learn from them. Although I started raw and naive of the business life I learn as I go. When I feel a defeat I learn from it and come back stronger and more determined. I resist the urge to resent people and I work to stay humble. I feel I'm no better than anyone else because I have no idea what each person has gone through. I also try to become a better person each day. I have inner demons like anyone else and I fight to suppress them or extinguish them and I refuse to give up. Although they call 40 mid life I have no fantasy about reaching 80 years old. The oldest person in my family was my mother who lived to be 64. I was happy that her and I were able to make peace before she passed. But at no point did I try to bring up memories from the past that were not pleasant. Instead, I focused on the good times wanting my mother to know that the important thing was I am happy and that I hold no anger towards her for my childhood. I still miss her every day.
I also have an opportunity coming that can change the course of my family forever. When my daughter turned 19 she moved into her uncle's house. Her and her mom did not see eye to eye and while her mother was on vacation in Colorado she moved her stuff out. But now, my daughter, her husband, and their two kids (he already had a son when they met) are going to move into our house to save money. It'll also give my wife and I a chance to save money and pay off some debt. It won't be easy and some lessons will be learned. I've been thinking long and hard of ways to make this successful as well as doing what I can to prevent failure. I will go into this open minded and amendable. I look forward to the opportunity and look forward to the opportunity to watch the family grow and bond together. To help ensure this happens I have quit drinking again. My wife has agreed to as well. I hope that we can all share memories while making things easier for each other. While there is no guarantee it'll all go smooth I do believe it'll turn out the way it was meant to. I hope I'm mature enough to lead this family even if someone doesn't follow. As well as being open to learning new lessons. But most importantly continuing to grow into a man and person that my family can rely on and look up too. Because although I believe my best days are behind me I will continue to grow and live. I could surprise myself and once again achieve more joy and happiness than I ever thought possible. I do know that even if I die tomorrow and although I do have regrets I work not to dwell on them. I continue to believe that I've enjoyed more success in ways that cannot be measured and have lived a blessed life. If it all ends I want my loved ones to not be sad. I just hope that I'll be remembered as someone who helped his family reach new levels of happiness that they didn't think was possible. I want to provide them love, comfort, and stability. Pushing future generations to new heights never imagined by previous generations. Oh, and I also hope to enjoy the rest of my life. Maybe play a little golf, laugh, love, and most importantly find the answers to what my purpose is on this earth. Or to hopefully find out at the end of my journey that I accomplished what I was here for. That it was a plan that I carried out in spite of all the odds and challenges because above all I'm happy to be a survivor.
