Being strange

I'm a strange person. I don't see things like others do. I see gray areas and my goals are completely different than many others. I realized that a long time ago so I don't get offended when people bash me or disagree with me. This society is very critical and calloused. People define success as who has the most money. Kids idolize the Kardashians and Lebron James over firefighters and doctors. As well as feeling that a ruthless businessman is an ideal candidate for President. Don't get me wrong, I need money just like the next person. I work to maximize my income potential so that my family is comfortable and have what they need. But I have no desires to be rich. I actually feel that it would complicate life more than help it. Like the saying goes, more money more problems.

Each day I try to be a better person and avoid those temptations that lead to distractions and bad behavior. It's not easy to be honest. As my kids get older I'm tempted to disappear from society and retreat to seclusion. Maybe it's just the usual cynicism that comes with age. We realize the way the world really works instead of how it should. While when we were younger we had visions of Manifest Destiny and equal opportunity. Either way I don't enjoy much of the way the world works. Or maybe I'm just depressed. I'm just trying to be real and honest. But I'm almost alone in this venture because most people are politically correct and create a false persona. Being honest or real is considered a weakness. Like in poker you're suppose to keep your cards close and disclose as little information as possible to people. We're all in competition instead of on the same team as it should be.

Did we already experience the peak of our country? Are we on the decline? I try to write positive and happy when in fact I'm very sensitive to the negative issues. But in reality I believe this life is a test. We are given free will in hopes that we will choose the correct path, although temptations of different paths are constant. But what are our goals? Are my goals to be rich and powerful? Or are my goals to discover what my purpose here is truly meant to be? I do know that money does not buy happiness. You might think that your dream is to drive a Mercedez but I guarantee you that once you buy it the joy goes away. The car will get old and a newer one will come out next year. I've found that the anticipation is the best part of any goal. I get more joy out of looking at cars on the road and envisioning myself driving it than I do actually owning it. When I own it I'm worried about someone hitting it, wear and tear, and wanting something different later. It's the same with goals. I've found that once I reach my goal I'm satisfied for a moment but then I want to set new ones. My only regret is that I would have known what the possibilities were earlier. I remember thinking that if I made 65k a year I'd be satisfied. Until I made 65k a year and realized that I could make more. The better way I think is to be satisfied with what I have and then the rest just adds to the happiness.

I digress but anyone who has read what I write already knows that. I'm a flawed individual that thinks way too much. I love too much and I empathize too much. Too much for a Capitalistic society that is. When in reality I believe in my heart that we were put on this planet to coexist. To find peace and live in paradise. Think about it. We overlook the beauty of this life every day. Or at least some of us do. I listen to Bob Marley sing;
Smiled with the risin' sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true

In that verse I saw that I wasn't appreciating what is free to me every day. Appreciating that first moment of warmth when the sun comes over the mountains. Or taking a moment to watch a bird sing in a tree although he has no idea what he'll eat that day. He just appreciates being here. I realize that so many have achieved financial success in this life to still feel empty. Men have conquered entire countries only to still feel lonely or incomplete. While I'm at my office for more than 8 hours a day I'm not enjoying the peaceful sound of the waves hitting the shore. I'm not doing all I can to give to someone who does not know what it's like to have shelter. Instead, leaving them to wonder if people do truly care for one another. I do know for a fact that touching one person's heart feels immensely better than buying the latest Samsung Smart tv. But instead I focus on buying the tv and less on restoring peoples faith in humanity. Therefore I am flawed and distracted by freedom of choice. I am not in touch enough with my heart, mind, and soul. Instead I am corrupted by physical satisfaction. Like the saying goes, the flesh is weak. Now you know why I say I'm strange, because if most people read this they're laughing and thinking I'm on drugs. But I guarantee you there are people that will read this and relate or understand exactly what I'm trying to say.

More than anything I write to feel better and get things out of my head. The other day I felt edgy and frustrated. I turned up my music and shut out everything except my mind. I just wrote what was in my head. No joke that in about 45 minutes my mind was clear and I felt relaxed and relieved. By know means have I found answers or secrets just an outlet for my mind to clear.