Never be too proud

I think one of our biggest issues in life is that we're afraid to laugh at ourself or too proud to admit we're wrong. People try to keep this image of themselves being masters in life. Many books have been written about life but since every life is a custom experience most is done on the fly through gut instincts. There should be no worries about screwing up a decision or admitting you didnt know something. But with the highly critical environment we live in people are afraid to admit they're wrong about stuff because of the criticism they will receive. So here I am doing what I feel I'm not too afraid of and that's being critical of myself, laughing at myself, and admitting I was wrong. Look, I won't pretend I was raised in an environment that was stable. I try not to dwell on it or use it as an excuse to fail. I try to use it as a reason to not ever want to experience those situations ever again. I definitely don't want my kids to ever have to experience things I've had too. Just a quick background but I was raised my mother until 4th grade. We lived with my grandmother along with my mother until 1st grade in Hacienda Heights and then we moved to San Bernardino with my mother and a guy named Paul. At the time I thought it was normal for the most part. My mother used to grow marijuana and sell it to the dealers at the local public pool. She would go through dropping off bags and then drop us off at the pool called the Center. She grew it in the back yard and I never thought anything of it. Then in April of 4th grade I went to spend the night at a friends house and my mother never came to pick me up. Finally an aunt came and picked me up but she couldnt handle me and my sister so we went to live with her and my mother's brother Dennis. He was married to a woman named Shirley who had 2 kids or her own. I can't express how thankful I am for them taking us in. We were very close to going to Orangewood and living in foster care. So at least we got to live with family. It was strict which was completely the opposite of where I was up to that point. In 4th grade I had my own little gang and had already beat a kid up for his Michael jackson jacket and started a fight with a 7th grader just to prove I was tough. Although I resented everyone for the strict environment I would not be where I am today without it and even though Dennis died 3 years ago not a day goes by that I don't thank the universe for blessing me with his presence. He truly was a selfless person and I really believe he raised me with values. But never the less I still had some residual issues from experiences and an anger problem as well. But that's a different story what I'm trying to share is why we should all stay humble and peaceful. When I was 18 I was in Hawaii for the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. I was in the Navy and was young, dumb, and full of,,,well you know. A friend had loaned me his driver license so I was out on the town drinking and having a wild time. As we walked past this group of young girls this guy I was with Nick asked these ladies what time it was and then their age. When two of them were under 18 they said nevermind. I was like screw that I just got off a boat i want to hang out with chicks. So I introduced myself. Well to make a long story short I married one of the girls. Of course it was the one that was over 18. Well about 18 years later here we are. I've been married and divorced and remarried to the same woman. I don't recommend it. When we got divorced it was my fault. I was young and not ready to get married and ended up cheating with several women. I also don't recommend cheating. Just leave if it's not working. We were separated for a while and then by chance ended up back together. Well it seemed all new and different the second time but soon she was bringing up old shit. So here we are about to get divorced again. I don't know if you've been divorced but it fucking hurts. i drank too much during the divorce and cried alot. I felt like a failure and I couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt focus on work. Kept my job but barely. But you know what oh well shit happens. Some day I'll look back and learn from this. But the point is don't be too proud to admit you were wrong and fix it. I still have a lot to fix in myself but I'm starting to be smarter about women. By smart I mean I will just avoid love all together and be alone.I'll watch my kids grow and support them but I'm not going to try and get married again. Doing something over and over again expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I just want to be content and call it a day. For what it's worth maybe this will help someone. One Love!