Parents and parenting

My 16 year old son failed his driver's test today. I was hard on him last night because he hit a curb on a turn in a parking lot and again this morning because he didn't turn when I told him to. But I might have been too hard on him and in fact I know I was. The hardest part of parenting is not letting day to day events alter how you treat them. So I get him all worked up when he's already nervous and by the time we get to the DMV he's struggling. I tried to pep talk him into letting it go and relaxing but it was too late. He ended up failing his test and as I walk up to him I see the tears welling up in his eyes and I instantly feel so horrible. You never want to see your child struggle or hurt and I helped cause it. So now I sit here at work feeling shitty about myself but the same way I told him he has to shake it off and move on I have to do the same thing. But it's not easy because they're an extension of you and the last thing you want to have them do is struggle. Life lesson for the both of us. I have to back off now that he'll be 17 in 3 months and I have to start letting him live. I wish I would have realized that yesterday instead of today after he failed his test.

Also, I get a call from my mom's husband Greg. Super nice guy and a big part of why my mother is still alive. I was going to say alive and well but on that phone call Greg told me that she's in ICU with tubes down her throat. I just started talking to my mom again after 25 years last November. Am I going to lose her again already? She might not have been the most nurturing mom but when she was there when I was a child she was loving. I remember one time we were driving down the road and she had to stop real quick in her car Betsy and she put her arm across my chest to protect me. I remember thinking man would that even help but at the same time thinking my mom loves me! That's what I always felt was that she loved me. Unfortunately the guy Paul that she was with didn't know what love was and used to beat her and us. So we had to go live with my mom's brother. So in 4th grade we moved to Whittier with our uncle and only saw my mom once more in 7th grade at my grandmother's funeral. When I talked to her last November she told me the last thing I ever told her was that I hated her. It was so nice to be able to tell her I never hated her and kept loving her all of those years. We both cried and moved on. But FUCK, I'm not ready to lose her again I haven't even had a chance to go see her. I'm just trying to think positive thoughts for her and part of this stress may have got to me as I was taking my son to the DMV. I'm very sorry.:(

Of less importance but still a big deal to me since I am a suffering Oakland Raider fan is the fact they fired another coach last night. Tupac taught me that after every dark night there's a bright day after that. That saying has helped me so much in my life believe it or not. You have to suffer through the bad times to truly enjoy the good times and that's why I stay calm. Of course I didn't stay calm last night and possibly caused my son to fail. But I guess my point is that it's not always easy being a parent but I'll always be there and hopefully I'll figure it out at some point. I really write this for myself so I can remember the lessons later.

It's my birthday!

It's my 38th birthday today! Woohoo! I had a freaking wonderful day. I worked all day but even when I work I have a good time. My day started off with my mom calling me at 7am to say happy birthday. It was the first time that happened in over 26 years. It's all good though. Her and I great! We don't dwell on the past we just look forward to the future and enjoy the moment! That's how I live. Of course we all have our moments of weakness and sadness but like I heard from Tupac one time. After a dark night there's a bright day after that! So then on Facebook had a bunch of friends say happy birthday . Then, at about 4pm my brother-in-law, his wife, my neice, and my nephew all sang happy birthday to me on the phone. I almost cried. But you see early in life I was all insecure, naive, tough, sensitive, and a bunch of other things. I'm still those things today but I've learned a lot about myself. I'm mushy these days like I'm growing a Vagina. lol, whatever though. I just know I feel love. Like the song by Ziggy Marley "Love is my Religion". I feel that way. The older I get the more that love is my religion. I don't care if people think I'm weird for telling my friends I love them. Or for giving people hugs. Or for loving the cashier at the grocery store. They're my friends! So when my brother-in-law calls me (yeah who has a brother-in-law that's one of their best friends?) and sings to me that shit makes me want to weep like a little baby. I'm sappy like that but I don't care.

  So Friday we go to Oceanside and play board games, a card game called golf, and crazy 8s. We drink beer and Tequila and bbq chicken and potatoes. The next day we started again. Went to the pool and had some pizza and more beer and tequila. Helped another friend move and then Sunday was my sister-in-law's (my brother-in-law's wife) birthday. We threw a surprise party and had a keg of Corona and had the taco guy come and cook. We all went swimming and had a pinata with the little single shots of vodka and others. Then at like 1am my son and I went swimming and played one on one in some pool basketball. He kicked my ass 7-5 but I was blessed just to be doing that. Next day woke up sore but that was Labor day so it was time to relax. had a turkey burger from Carl's Jr.while one son had ranch bacon swiss, the other son had a grilled Cod sandwich. Went home and slept on the couch while NFL network played on the tv over and over. Had Directv turned off for a few months so had to soak it in. 

 

    I have to enjoy these moments. What a freaking wonderful day it was today. I am so appreciative of how lucky I am. I know one day I'll be handed a tough time and I will face it knowing that all of these other times I was extremely lucky. But today Love is my religion and I'm just extremely thankful!

This is not funny anymore

Comedy comes from seeing the funniness in tragedy and life. Nothing is funny though. After hearing about Robin Williams death yesterday I realized this. We can only joke so much and then the joke is on us. Game over.


I wont start with the President but I will say that his arrogance and pompous attitude are part of whats wrong. How is he supposed to know what's wrong with society when he doesn't live in it?


Ever since he sold out? Lights are on and he's a brilliant exaggerator, but he doesn't even believe his own rhetoric. The American dream is collapsing under the extreme pressure that it takes to support the entire planet!


Ok, so maybe not the entire planet but a lot of it. But while he takes months of vacation and plans his retirement in Hollywood, CA? Us Americans will have to endure and find ways to be hopeful for the next puppet to be elected. Did he really care? 

Is bringing a Republican President back into office an answer? Yeah, continue to think that there's a difference. They get you distracted with gay marriage, abortion, and welfare, while they completely sell out our future as a country. 

17 trillion dollar debt? 

If this is where we are in surplus where will we be when we're not the Gold (dollar) standard? 

When we ask the question from a candidate about what they'll do to fix these problems? 

Mitt Romney's answer was "I'll do it better than Barack Obama did". Really? I hope so! 

Why should I believe a corporate businessman will fix the economy? Simply because he's a businessman? I used to love KB Toy Stores as a kid, they declared bankruptcy after Mitt was done. I'm supposed to believe he'll treat the country like KB Toy Store?

 Or like his company Bain Capital? People like Mitt Romney care about themselves not the collective society. He was the Republican and Obama was the democrat. Who's an American supposed to vote for? 

Yeah, I was confused too!

 I want a guy more like Elon Musk or even Bill Gates. Warren Buffet? I don't know because I dont really know those guys. Women? Don't get me started on Hillary! What are her qualifications and how can I trust her? She went through the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky scandal without ever flinching. Strength? Or is it political correctness that we should be scared of? Has anyone ever seen Hillary be sincere or real? What has she done that makes me want to trust her? She lived 8 years for free while collecting huge paychecks but classifies her and Bill's situation as "broke"? Why should I be hopeful she can run our country? Because the perception was that Bill did?

 In history it will be proven that he was lucky to be president at the beginning of the computer age. But the National debt still doubled in his 8 years. He also allowed home loans without proof of income. Which means people could finance whatever home they wanted no matter the price without having to prove they could afford the payment. I'm not a genius but I can see some flaws in that bill. What? 

It caused a huge housing collapse and for millions of people to lose their homes? Wait, didn't the government bail out the banks after the collapse? Wait a minute. You're telling me that the entity that gave the loan and made money off of the loan also was given money to rectify the loan? 

Who bailed out the man that had to go home and tell his wife they lost their dream home to the bank that the Government would then bail out after giving a loan that never made sense? 

Single parent and child care

Look at the picture below. That to me is a face of someone discouraged and hurt. Her name is Debra Harrell and because of her situation I had trouble sleeping. Some will look at her picture and only see color and already make assumptions. But please just hear me out before you judge.

On June 30th, 2014 Debra Hall had to go to work as a shift manager at McDonald's. It's summer time so her daughter Regina is out of school. Debra is a single mom and had no friends that could watch Regina while she went to work so Debra made a difficult decision. Instead of calling in she left her daughter at Summerfield Park in North Augusta, South Carolina alone. This is not any ordinary park. There are other children left in the park while their parents go to work or wherever else they may spend their time. During the day at Summerfield Park kids can get wet on the splash pad, play on the playground, or basketball courts. Volunteers also come by the park and hold the feed-a-child program. This program provides the children at the park free breakfast and lunch. Looking in Debra's eyes I see something deep that I don't see in everyone's eyes so I can only imagine how tough it must have been for her to kiss Regina's forehead and tell her she had to go to work. I'm not condoning what Debra did because there are too many child predator's out there to leave children alone anywhere. But if she was going to leave her anywhere this park would be the best spot. Someone spotted Regina alone at the park and called the police. Debra was arrested and spent 17 days in jail and lost temporary custody of Regina.

I do believe this story will have a happy ending and I can't say I believe that about all of these situations. You see Debra is what we root for in our society. When she was younger she was arrested several times but her last brush with the law was a traffic violation in 2006. Since then it seems as though she's tried to turn her life around. The last thing we need to do is prosecute her in this situation and set her and Regina back years. Regina is on the honor roll at her school and Debra was welcomed back to her job as a shift manager at McDonalds. On top of that people have donated over 40k dollars to a trust fund for Regina's education. I don't know Debra and I could be completely wrong but I have to believe in a woman who chooses to work at McDonald's instead of relying on others to take care of her. My only point in this is can't we as a country provide some kind of child care for parents in these situations? We send money all over the world but we sometimes ignore our own in order to do that. Look in Debra's eyes and tell me you don't see hurt and shame. Please just give people a chance in life before  you judge them. Kids like Regina are counting on us to help ensure she becomes the next generation of successful individuals.

I'm not a judge so all I'm going to do is remember how lucky I am and think all positive thoughts for Debra and Regina. I'll hope that their future is filled with smiles and love and that Debra never again has the look on her face like she does in her mugshot.

Orange County to Santa Barbara

On Friday, June 27th 2014 a group of us decided to go camping at Lake Cachuma outside of Buellton a little bit beyond Santa Barbara. We left at 4:45 in the morning but we ended up running into some traffic on the 405 because of a SIG alert. Some unfortunate man ran into the median and then got out of his car. He was then struck by another vehicle. It took an hour and fifteen minutes to get 3 miles but I spent most of the time empathizing with the man who lost his life that morning.

    If you have not had the opportunity to drive up the 101 through Ventura along the coast I suggest you do it. We stopped in a town called Summerland, where we ate at the Summerland Beach cafe. I had the steak and eggs but felt the steak was a little bland. The best plate looked to be Crabby Bill's Benedict, which is two poached eggs with hollandaise sauce on crab cakes. I wanted to trade for sure. Anyways, we went through Santa Barbara which has some of the best coastline I've ever seen. A few islands and scenery that's breathtaking. We drove into Santa Maria which is a very important area in California. This is where the Santa Maria bbq style started. It's a type of smoking where you use red oak to bbq beef. I've had the tri-tip and if done right is absolutely amazing. We then headed back to a town called Buellton where we headed out to Lake Cachuma to camp for the weekend.

Friday night we bbq'd terryaki chicken with homemade sauce made from our Japanese family members. We then used the Santa Maria style merged with the Japanese sauce creating some sort of fusion. Anyways, we were camping but add some coconut milk steamed rice with cilantro and we had a dinner that I would have paid for. The music then started and vodka and tequila were flowing as we told stories and laughed the night away. The only issue of the night was when I went to sleep and got locked out of the camper because everyone was passed out! I know right. Well, since I'm a chameleon and can sleep anywhere I laid the seats back in my Lexus RX350 and passed out. Woke up early Saturday morning but wasn't completely hungover because at some point we ran out of cranberry juice and switched to gatorade. Since I replenished plenty of electrolytes I was good to go. Which was good because we had a day of wine tasting and a dinner to die for coming up so I had to be ready to soak in the experience.

We started the morning with Frittatas and coffee brewed in a press. Seriously, coffee was top notch as was the egg frittatas and we were now ready to hit the Sun Stone winery for some foo foo time. We entered Sun Stone winery and immediately began some tasting of some wines like Grenache blanc, Grenache Rose, chardonnay, merlot, Pinot noir, Syrah, and others. The chardonnay was my favorite white while the Pinot Noir was my favorite red. I'm biased though because I'm not a big fan of white wines and I tend to like merlots and pinots the most. It's just funny to me how many descriptive words people find for wine. For me it's all about what fits. I might not be a wine connoisseur because I think it's an individual preference I go more for smooth taste with a light aroma. Wines were not too expensive so we picked up some for a night at home.

Since I had never been wine tasting at a vineyard before I really enjoyed the experience and then it was time to cruise through some small towns like Solvang which is a Danish farming community. Went to a few specialty stores and then back to the campsite. Before returning to the campsite we visited the grave site of our friend's mother Barbara. I always get a little somber when I visit places like that but I also try to picture the lives and stories off all the people laid to rest there. He put flowers on the site and cleaned around it. Very touching and I was honored to be a part of the moment. Of course like all good campers do we sampled some wine and cheese preparing for my favorite part of the entire trip a visit to the restaurant the Hitching Post II.

Our reservations were at 5:30pm and immediately we were a little bummed out because they were out of their best appetizer the Grilled Artichoke that is seasoned with their special Magic Dust. Instead we had the BBQ sauteed mushrooms and steamed mussels. Both were amazing and I don't even like Mussels. The appetizers were followed by shrimp cocktails (that were also delicious), garlic bread, veggie sample, sweat potato soup, garden salad, before we even got to the main course. One of us had the Grilled Texas quail, one had the filet, 2 had the Flat Iron steak, and one had the chicken. The two specials were swordfish and ribeye but I went with the suggested item. That was the Flat iron steak. Oh my lord! This was the tastiest steak I've ever had. It came sliced and I ordered it rare. The Santa Maria style of bbq sprinkled with magic dust made it to where I did not even need the cherry-peppercorn sauce. It not only fell apart in your mouth it was like a party of flavors that I did not want to finish. I'm already planning on practicing this style of cooking because I'm hooked. I had the fries because I had read about them and I did think they were pretty damn good. It was a two and a half hour experience I believe everyone should try at least once.

We continued our night back at the site late into the night until they had to come to our site and ask us to turn our music down because of quiet time. We continued by the campsite and ate some smores while telling stories. I have a big mouth so my wife told me she couldnt get her stories in. I'll have to work on that for sure but overall when we left the next morning after pancakes and bacon the weekend felt complete. We then jumped back on the 101 for our drive back down to Mission Viejo. We'll be back many more times.

The path of the US Government

It's unfortunate that entertainment and perception rule our society. Politicians stand up and smile and wave and everyone thinks it's all great. I was disturbed that we traded 5 high ranking Al Qaeda generals for Bergdahl when he got captured because he deserted his post. The White House announced that we had little chance to convict those generals so they were going to be released anyways. Fact is that the Taliban will now be working a lot harder to capture Americans in order to force trades. The position of the US for hundreds of years has been that we do not negotiate with terrorists. What changed? Now who knows if Bergdahl was actually a deserter because both the military and the government have grown fond of lying. But this situation in Iraq is building quick and we're once again at the mercy of what our government tells us and allows the media to broadcast. I do know that the second largest city in Iraq is once again under the control of Al Qaeda insurgents and we'll once again get involved because of natural resources but the message will be that it was because we care and we're humanitarians. If that's true why did we not help the Ukraine when Russia invaded? The system is corrupt. There is little doubt that The basis of what the United States of America is built is the most modern and successful of any in recent history. Unfortunately, in several hundreds of years the lawyers and policy makers have found a way to bypass all of it's laws in order to benefit. In the original Constitution Congress was paid only for time they were in session. When they returned to their home they would fill out a expense report and submit it to be reimbursed. This was because they were originally civil servants. This changed in I believe the Taft administration where he decided to make them all full time employees of the government. They were then enabled to vote on their own raises. Now, they not only receive their pay of almost 200k a year but they also receive about another half a million a year to pay for staff, travel, and misc expenses. They're basically living the good life while telling the rest of us that we need to pay for their lifestyle. When did this change and how to we change it back and hold these people accountable?

Lost in perception

I consider myself to be a patient person that does not judge and I try to mind my own business. But at what point does our society realize we're living in an age of perception and political correctness?

 The saying "perception is reality" drives me crazy. That tells me that what people think about you is more important then what reality is. Or that being nice and telling people what they want to hear is more important than being honest. I can't live in that world. 

To me that's the biggest problem with politics. We're voting for the guy that tells us what we want to hear and who we think is the best guy. Instead of doing that, why don't we take a little extra time to find the truth and reality? 

Our country (US) is filled with over 300 million people how can we be so naive to think we only need a 2 party system? How can the Republican and Democratic parties represent the population? I'll even be more cynical. How can people still believe that either one of these parties represents the population? Both these parties are sponsored by super pacs that donate hundreds of millions of dollars. Does anyone think they donate that much money without the assurance that they'll get some back room deal? 

I know people like to think everyone is honest but come on! Things are beyond corrupt now. So instead of people acknowledging it they just pretend everything is fine. The reason people do this is because we're all comfortable. Even though we're getting squeezed and things are getting tougher we continue to coast along cause the alternative is to admit that we have to change things and nobody wants to do that. 

So the politicians continue to smile and wave and we continue to pretend that a Republican is better than a democrat or the other way around. These guys only disagree on the things that have nothing to do with government. 

Those things are gay marriage, abortion, and a few others. 

A Republican will tell you he is pro life and does not believe in abortion. A Democrat will tell you he believes in Pro Choice but won't tell you whether he believes one way or the other. That's why democrats have been more successful lately. They play the fence and tell everyone what they want to hear. Then, they get into office and nothing happens. 

While the national debt is at 17 trillion and climbing. Who is going to fix that? 

But we continue to tell each other what we want to hear and the perception is that everything will get better if only we can get a republican in office.

What do you think?

Learning as I go (poetry)

Ive learned that this life is multiplied by infinity its just not for only me. Your time will run out thats just how it goes eternally. Im gifted my truck lifted. Through all the roaches ive already sifted the sun came up time to go back to work. Damn right im gonna work this. Too old to twerk this. Another hearse. Javon kearse retiring just yesterday magic was the best point guard on the planet. Everyones got it twisted. Im gonna drink a fifth to this. My grandmas were right family is the most important. These hours will seem like minutes. Gotta be generous cause you cant take any of it with you. Might as well have a send off thats worthy of another dimension. Im done pimpin ive been pimped. Id rather be square. They seem to live their life oblivious. But human nature has a way of getting up thats for sure. Im sure i wont be here much longer. After im done contributing to this fair existence that we perceive. Im not trying to deceive. I did that for a minute but im still trying to live. But i guarantee ya. While most brothers are looking to take. You can count on ol G danny V. Streets of pomona, phelan, san berdoo, im gonna give. Mr absolete, immediate absence of good decisions. But after a while dont dismiss me im gonna fix it. Cause i dont only got the friends i got the grits. From the dirt of the basement to being a complete solution lets do this im gonna bring attitude and humbleness.

You frustrate me like new religion

Your what i like to call new religion. Ive forgotten more books of the bible than you even know how to pronounce or even know were written. You misinterperet what your reading so let me learn you boy. Your about to get a mental whoopin from your daddy. Ill teach you lessons about how people in the old testament used to destroy. Eye for an eye but in the new testament turn the other cheek, written by man, to believe every single thing you would be a fool. You dont need to learn in school. Deep down you know the right choice the devine truth it lives and breathes within each and every one of you. Im no different. Only difference is i know life. From the bottom to the top. Ive been everywhere you can imagine. Ill never let go of the past Pat summerall and John madden. But the future is a dimension I gotta believe in. Even though you don't feel or get me leaving is tempting. A sudden disapearance would be fitting. I hope everyone would let go this disappearance isn't gripping. This aint murder she wrote. I fell off a boat. A note i wrote. Nobody liked me like a baseball card in the spokes. A quiet room and im the dumb ass telling jokes. What the fucks the difference. I should have just shut my mouth but instead i spoke.

The day my music died

Below is a brain leak from my feelings of 1996. That year was crazy. In March of 1996 Tupac released the album All Eyez on Me. It was probably the best rap album (close second is Snoops Doggystyle). A month later a week after he was married Bradley Nowell died of an overdose in San Francisco. 3 months later in July the album Sublime Sublime was released. Two months later in Las Vegas, Nevada Tupac was shot and died a week later. Then, to make matters worse Biggie Smalls was killed in March 1997. Literally, 3 of my favorite artists gone in less than a year. I guess it's true that the good die young.

 

I dont know how far ill go, it depends how far this thing will take me. Ive digressed in more things but overachieved in other ways got this situation in submission. But ya gotta stay on your toes. Took 40 years so you know i still aint learned. On my heels half the time, id give anything to have 96 back with sublime. Tupac still alive and tommy lasorda still on the sideline. But thats the year all my music died. Followed shortly by my nigga biggie from the east side. The left side of the coast i sit and talk with all their ghosts. I dont need to boast, quite the opposite im pretty humble for a lightning rod.   All you bitches got your pantiest in a wad. I have just cause to get away, call me jaws. You can call it an escape clause. Ill let you out of this business. Actually you can take it just because behind these 4 walls i cant feel alive. Get me out this coop into a sound booth. Or ill even take preventing the next john wilkes booth. Ill even take the fbi guy in bones, that dude booth. I guess i used to be smooth. Maybe its all been a figment my imagination. Gets away with me but ill take it cause my realities already spent. Ive already accepted the truth.

If I had the nerve

I almost posted the following on Facebook,,,,but I'm turning into a big coward these days. I keep seeing myself back away from society more and more every day. Just seems like madness these days. Am I wrong?

Im gonna rant real quick. Ignore if you'd like. I dont really care either way, well maybe I do. Anyways, life gets a little tiresome at times. Besides having to deal with new religion, new parents, and new money. I have to deal with people that have higher expectations of others than they do themselves. When did perception and being politically correct become reality? Have you met politicians, what you perceive does not mean fact. I want nothing to do with fake, plastic, or two faced. Anyone that knows me will account that what you see is what you get. Sorry to disapoint you. I can only be real. Im a pain in the ass sometimes and once in a while I'm worth it. Good news is you can move on and it does not even matter. If you dont agree with this just delete me I dont have a 100 and something friends in real life anyways. But most people will pretend their life is as happy as they portray it on Facebook. No doubt some of your lives are, I'll testify! All i really want to know is that this is not FakeBook.

Dependencies

Ok ok, listen to this please. I dont give a fuck about where or what damn city. There is not a lot of hope in any of these communities. I need to make a plea. Lets get up out of this mess, seriously. I aint got no subsidies and pretty soon no dependents G. Dont even have to ask cause i never get caught up in any chemical dependencies. There aint an agency out there not one! Im the original, been in since day one. You dont have to tell me about the streets cause ive slept on every single one. Go ahead and do your homework son, youll find out the credibility, the amount of time for eligibility. The paperworks all there. The parties arent all there and i think were missing a few teeth. But aint nothing dirty cause since i didnt use them as a child still dont have no bed sheets after i pass out from my last glass of hennessey

Good to see you all im glad your all here. Im about to get into something kind of like that gerbel did richard geres rear. My fear is insatiable. My blood pressure is high. Somethings about to explode. My mind is in auto pilot mode. Im either gonna get it done or die. I cant go one more day in this job, its just not gonna happen. Whether its rappin or disapear and go rafting. I cant live in this arrangement with society that ive been trapped in.There aint nothing wrong with it in particular except that from my desk i cant get in i can only see the ocean. I might as well be chained to a box! Do some more reports, whats the status of adam, tom and the rest of your direct reports. I know your all cohorts, hanging out in every port. Im smoking every night just tryin to cope.

Never be Capone (rough)

I'm by myself completely alone, on my own. The crisp air, puffing on a padron no despair, sipping patron, I'm in a zone. Never be al Capone, no worries Would never trade short term pleasure for long term pain.Life is already hell so why lock myself into a cell. Already too attached to my cell phone. Can't escape it all, need no want a second home. But you'll find me just like every other yuppie in Starbucks hot coffee what the fucks a scone? Obamas ordering drones? I'm not even paying attention. Almost drove through a obstruction ticketed for speeding in a construction zone. I'm half a poet and more like a depressing poem about the dos and donts about battling hoes. Buts that's just how it goes. Nobody knows, lying is only beneficial when the radius divided by the circumference of the size of your goals. Now your like ahh shit he knows. Let me take a second now he'll be bringing this for real but its always a game like the ones from nintendo or hasbro. I could be an asshole, but if I don't tell it like a story I'm too afraid about whoever tells you will be taking all the glory won't be telling it gently. And might even exaggerate the story you know how legends grow.

Tip your Waiter

Tip your cup tip your waiter, slap her butt, cant ignore her i aint no hater! I dont need no gators, i dont even own a gun. I dont give a fuck. What the fuck does it matter. Life is more like splatter, nothing fucking matters. Its over so fast tske a moment to tell all your loved ones they matter. For their sake i wish my wallet was fatter. For my wife that my belly was flatter. Its amazing that when your in need so called friends scatter. Got me pulling out my hair crazy faces like im the madd hatter. At any moment i can collapse like hank gathers. Might as well live it up like marshall mathers. Do dont interupt me while im speaking. Im ready to pull the trigger laying next to abraham lincoln, both are heads leaking. As soon as the ink hit the pad it was out my head and im glad. Cause if i dont corrext my actions now there might be short term happiness but the endings gonna be sad.





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NniUop8gSVM













To all the people that live or lived lives that we should abide im toastin. But to those who live to capitalize i hope you die of your greatest gift, poaching. My tipping point im approaching. We'll regret the day that it ended. Thinking we still had a voice even though we didnt. Even when we had a vote. Some choose to tote gats, others choose to act as if nothing happened. Continue to live this dream. But what has been a fantasy for a few has been hell for entire nations. Their hating us hoping. More of our buildings are collapsing. Nobody wants us to survive and definitely not thrive. Part of me died when half of my favorite people died. Why dont we just rock this bitch until another entity we collide. Live it up till avalanches decide to slide. I dont mean to sound so negative. Im living above adequate never compare my existence to the days when our nation was losing tribeS. Been fortunate compared to what these books describe. But its not all hype. Weve got an urgent condition. But how are we gonna coordinate positions if we spend our time trippin.

How do you rehabilitate a murderer?

Below are links to two stories where either one or both parents murdered their child. These events happened within a short time of each other. This type of behavior is common in the animal kingdom but should not be with highly evolved mammals like humans. I will never know what goes through a person's head when they commit acts like these. I once left my 2 year old in the car when I went inside to get take out for dinner. I was in there for 15 minutes and when I came out and realized I forgot my son I started sobbing like a baby and now 14 years later I still have not forgiven myself. I could have easily lost track of time and come out too late. I might as well have died myself if that would have happened because I would not have been able to live with myself. Luckily, it was not for that long and my son was safe although a little sweaty. He's now 16 has a 4.0 grade point average and plays high school basketball. But even as I write this I'm still disappointed in myself or that momentary lapse of thinking. In one of these stories below the mother and her live in boyfriend kill the woman's daughter. They then pack up there things and try to disappear only to be found at the train station. There was evidence of sexual assault and blunt force trauma. What kind of animal(s) can do this to a 3 year old? If you can do this to a 3 year old do you deserve to live any longer? I don't think so. How do we expect to ever evolve as a society if we leave people like this to procreate or share their ideas with others? In the other story the mother and father are arrested after the police suspect that the 5 year old was beaten and later died because of the injuries. The child woke up and complained about his eyes hurting but was told to go back to bed. In our society the people that either can't afford children or should not have children end up having the most children. While the people that can afford children or are mature enough to have children have less children. This statistic is disturbing. This is because people that can afford children only have on average 2 children. They feel that they need to give each child attention and be able to afford college for these children. On the other side of the spectrum they're having children for money. They get government assistance and they see each additional child as a revenue source. They have one child and then see how much more money they get for an additional one and it's too tempting to avoid. Instead of using government assistance for what it's intended for they use it as their crutch. It was intended to assist you through tough times not to live off of long term. Now those people have 3+ children and they can't afford them because the government assistance was meant only as a safety measure and so the kids end up insecure because they cannot afford to have the items that more fortunate children have. The parents also do not have the time to give each of these additional children the same amount of attention. All around the situation screams of insanity yet the cycle continues generation after generation. The problem long term is that individuals like the people in the articles below will be allowed to server a sentence that often is not severe enough for the crime. A child lost their life and the murderer will be allowed to re-enter society after serving a sentence. But what sentence fits the crime? How can you let a person out of prison if they murdered a child? That child never gets to breathe again yet we let the people that murder them back out into society for a retry? How is that right? The argument against capital punishment is that they get rehabilitated in prison before they re-enter society. Anyone who attempts to make this argument obviously has not been in prison or even researched the conditions in prison. Prison is a place where people do not become rehabilitated. They become conditioned to survive in an environment that is not conducive with rehabilitation. Guards often get satisfaction by placing new inmates with other inmates that they know will either sexually violate them or severely harm them. This is a game to the guards because they do not see these individuals as deserving better treatment. They also see it as their way of punishing these individuals for crimes they committed and teaching them a lesson. Now, the person that was already damaged because they murdered a child is now even more angry and hostile because they are now being tortured. I'm not having sympathy for these individuals as much as I'm trying to say 2 negatives do not equal a positive. What's more is that we put all of these murderers in the same place so that now they can actually discuss their actions with other likeminded individuals and now spend time learning new ideas. They can learn ways to avoid being caught the next time they have a chance to commit the same crimes. Now when they re-enter society they have kind of attended a university for violent criminals. They are able to use these new tricks of the trade to avoid being caught the next time. It's almost as if we used the prison system as a sort of catch and release program. My question is how we allow sick violent criminals to re-enter society when there is an extremely high likelihood that not only will they re-offend but that they will take their violent crimes to the next level. I'll never understand our lack of conviction for individuals that violate our basic codes of human decency or for the compassion that citizens give these criminals.

 

 

 

http://elcerrito.patch.com/groups/police-and-fire/p/mother--boyfriend-arrested-in-el-cerrito-on-suspicion-of-sexual-assault-homicide-of-3yearold

 

http://www.cafemom.com/articles/in_the_news/166137/parents_accused_of_brutally_killing?utm_medium=sem2&utm_campaign=prisma&utm_source=outbrain&utm_content=0&non_us=US

Never be too proud

I think one of our biggest issues in life is that we're afraid to laugh at ourself or too proud to admit we're wrong. People try to keep this image of themselves being masters in life. Many books have been written about life but since every life is a custom experience most is done on the fly through gut instincts. There should be no worries about screwing up a decision or admitting you didnt know something. But with the highly critical environment we live in people are afraid to admit they're wrong about stuff because of the criticism they will receive. So here I am doing what I feel I'm not too afraid of and that's being critical of myself, laughing at myself, and admitting I was wrong. Look, I won't pretend I was raised in an environment that was stable. I try not to dwell on it or use it as an excuse to fail. I try to use it as a reason to not ever want to experience those situations ever again. I definitely don't want my kids to ever have to experience things I've had too. Just a quick background but I was raised my mother until 4th grade. We lived with my grandmother along with my mother until 1st grade in Hacienda Heights and then we moved to San Bernardino with my mother and a guy named Paul. At the time I thought it was normal for the most part. My mother used to grow marijuana and sell it to the dealers at the local public pool. She would go through dropping off bags and then drop us off at the pool called the Center. She grew it in the back yard and I never thought anything of it. Then in April of 4th grade I went to spend the night at a friends house and my mother never came to pick me up. Finally an aunt came and picked me up but she couldnt handle me and my sister so we went to live with her and my mother's brother Dennis. He was married to a woman named Shirley who had 2 kids or her own. I can't express how thankful I am for them taking us in. We were very close to going to Orangewood and living in foster care. So at least we got to live with family. It was strict which was completely the opposite of where I was up to that point. In 4th grade I had my own little gang and had already beat a kid up for his Michael jackson jacket and started a fight with a 7th grader just to prove I was tough. Although I resented everyone for the strict environment I would not be where I am today without it and even though Dennis died 3 years ago not a day goes by that I don't thank the universe for blessing me with his presence. He truly was a selfless person and I really believe he raised me with values. But never the less I still had some residual issues from experiences and an anger problem as well. But that's a different story what I'm trying to share is why we should all stay humble and peaceful. When I was 18 I was in Hawaii for the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. I was in the Navy and was young, dumb, and full of,,,well you know. A friend had loaned me his driver license so I was out on the town drinking and having a wild time. As we walked past this group of young girls this guy I was with Nick asked these ladies what time it was and then their age. When two of them were under 18 they said nevermind. I was like screw that I just got off a boat i want to hang out with chicks. So I introduced myself. Well to make a long story short I married one of the girls. Of course it was the one that was over 18. Well about 18 years later here we are. I've been married and divorced and remarried to the same woman. I don't recommend it. When we got divorced it was my fault. I was young and not ready to get married and ended up cheating with several women. I also don't recommend cheating. Just leave if it's not working. We were separated for a while and then by chance ended up back together. Well it seemed all new and different the second time but soon she was bringing up old shit. So here we are about to get divorced again. I don't know if you've been divorced but it fucking hurts. i drank too much during the divorce and cried alot. I felt like a failure and I couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt focus on work. Kept my job but barely. But you know what oh well shit happens. Some day I'll look back and learn from this. But the point is don't be too proud to admit you were wrong and fix it. I still have a lot to fix in myself but I'm starting to be smarter about women. By smart I mean I will just avoid love all together and be alone.I'll watch my kids grow and support them but I'm not going to try and get married again. Doing something over and over again expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I just want to be content and call it a day. For what it's worth maybe this will help someone. One Love!

Does anyone really believe we'll fix this?

I talk to people on a daily basis and they've all given up on our government. Not all people just the ones's that I'm about to refer too. There are those people like me that still believe we have a chance to fix this. So I'll break this down to 3 different segments of people. You might not agree with this list and if not that's fine too. The first group is that group that no matter what votes Republican no matter who the candidate is. These people believe that the Republican party wants to help them maintain the conservative morales and values America was founded on. They will blindly vote for whoever the candidate is based on party affiliation. They bash the democratic candidate just because of the party affiliation. They'll classify everyone that does not agree with them as liberal democrats that support Socialism. They continue to put their hopes in a Republican candidate believeing that this candidate will be the one that brings the glory back to the Republican party. Then there is the same type of person but on the democratic side. They believe that the Republican party has lost touch with society and doesnt understand the needs of the American citizen. They'll vote for a Democrat even if that candidate has not earned the right to represent the American people. Personally, I believe both of these groups of people continue to keep their head in the sand and are not seeing the true problem here. Here is the 3rd group. These people wait to see who the candidate is and they look at his background and try to look within the candidate to see if he truly represents America.They don't care what party the candidate is from they want to see change. They want to see someone who does the right thing no matter what loyalties he has to people that may have financed his campaign. He'll do what's best to fix the problems that plague us today. I no longer believe it's possible with our current government. The reason is that once there is a foundation of corruption it's almost impossible to change it. Our government has been corrupt for a long time and if you don't believe it you probably fit into one of the 2 groups I listed above. Every time some individual tries to change things he ends up dead. I'm not trying to say there are conspiracies and that our government is behind it. This is what I'm trying to say. The government no longer believes that we as citizens know what we want or should have a voice. They believe that they know what's best for us and what they should do to make it happen. This is obvious with the way the government bailed out the banks and car companies even though the American people did not agree. They didnt put it to a vote for the citizens. They took it upon themselves to decide for us what we wanted. That led to a bunch of executives who ran their companies inaffectively to receive huge bonuses and payouts even though their companies didnt perform. All the government did by bailing these companies out was delay the inevitable. Now the government lost billions of dollars of tax payers money just to extend the life of a failing company. But they didnt help the taxpayers bail these companies out, they excluded themselves from being part of it just like they did with Obamacare, Social Security, and any other program they push for us but believe they're too good to follow themselves. Here is another example. Anyone that has looked at the evidence of the John F. Kennedy assassination sees obvious evidence that their is a high likelihood that Kennedy was shot by two different guns from two different directions. But the government felt obligated to keep the facts away from us possibly to protect us? LBJ assembled the Warren Commission of guys he knew he could trust. There is a recorded conversation where LBJ can be heard making the statement that he wants to avoid the situation getting out of hand. Adamantly saying that it is imperitive that they conclude that the assassination was committed by a lone gunman Oswald. So when the findings came out that the evidence pointed at Oswald being a lone gunman people that had looked at the evidence instantly thought conspiracy. How could they not? Anyone that watched the video and knows guns sees that it is obvious that Kennedy was shot once in the neck from the side and a second time through his forehead exiting the back of his head. Even if the government was not behind the assassination they made themselves look guilty by forcing the Warren Commission to conclude there was one gunman. The problem is that they fed these false findings to the American people as fact. I digress but here is my point. The government should be transparent. They should carry out business and everyone should look and see that the government is making decisions that are best for our country. When was the last time you could actually feel this was happening? We're deep in debt yet we are continuing to take on more at a rapid pace. Our country is at the age where previous governments have failed. It happened to Rome because they felt they were too big to fail and stopped listening to their people. Now our National Debt is 17 trillion dollars + and growing. But instead of focusing on this and resolving it our government has implemented a healthcare bill that will cost us even more. We continue to give money to countries that harbor terrorists as well as countries that use the money to build weapons instead of feeding their people. Sometimes things get so big that they fail and that is where our government is. Our government pays more attention to Gay marriage, abortion, and baseball players doing steroids than it does taking the debt seriously. Just wait until the reserve changes the monetary system away from the US Dollar. Then we'll see things change.