Hurt

I read an article today about a woman who left her 5 year old alone at home while she went to the store. The 5 year old found a gun at the house and shot herself. It just happened to be the mother's birthday. I wish I was one of those people who could be detached from all of the hurt in this world while only focusing on my own needs and satisfaction. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. Things like this hurt me to my core physically. My chest hurts, my eyes water, and I envision the scene of this tragedy from start to finish. The mom making the crucial mistake of leaving her 5 year old daughter alone, the girl shooting herself and the moments before being curious as 5 year olds are. And the moment her mother returned home to find her precious 5 year old daughter laying on the ground dead next to the gun she left available for her daughter to find. Where will the positives in this event come from? I picture the life lost and the mother stuck blaming herself and also facing charges. As well as a life of solitude with a memory and guilt she will never forget or escape. I feel sad and the worst part is I'm almost alone in these thoughts. Because most people will either ignore it, celebrate it, condemn it, or refuse to enter the thought. The story didnt even mention the little girls name. Rest in Peace young child. In some ways you were spared the darkness that inhabits and runs this life.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/23/us/louisiana-girl-dead/index.html

Religion and common sense

As a person that was raised in a religious environment I don't consider myself an expert in religion but an expert in reality. I really believe that people use religion as a crutch to lean on or to blame. When someone is looking for a job they go home and they pray and leave it in God's hands. Look, God would want you to be happy in your life and will provide you with the intelligence, resourcefulness, and desire to find food, water, and shelter. But if you think he'll help you land that job you want that's laughable. It's your own drive and determination that will do that. If you look inside you have a conscience. That right there is your God right inside of you. If you're thinking really hard to make a decision and you have to force it then you probably made the wrong decision. When you're about to do something you feel might not be right then it probably isnt. I'm not the morale police. I've walked in on friends snorting coke and other things. Who am I to judge? I don't know what that person is dealing with and I don't have all of their answers. But I do know that I am not automatically inclined to do something because someone else does. Just like I have no right to judge them for what they are doing. If I do want to get involved then I better be ready to help without telling them what to do.

The problem with religion is that there is a group of people that show up on Sunday and sing a few songs, listen to a few bible verses, say praise God a few times, and then they feel entitled to act as if they have all of the answers. Just because you show up does not make you Jesus Christ. I understand that those specific individuals use church and religion to make themselves feel better about the life they're leading. How they're able to separate their life and treat people with less than respect while conducting the rest of their week but then magically become holy when they walk through those doors of the synagogue. If there are so many church going people then why are there so many people cursing each other out, flipping each other off, and treating each other less than humanely? It's because people lead double lives. People constantly tell me that I need to go to church more and take my kids to church more. I tell them that I live in church every day. I walk the walk. I'm not saying I'm a saint or anything even close. I have my troubles but what I do every day is treat people with respect and the way I want to be treated. I teach my kids the same thing. While they are excelling in a lot of areas people tend to treat them badly. I'm honestly not trying to brag or boast here but it's because of jealousy. I was one of those kids growing up. I moved from place to place never had a father and my mother left early on. It caused me numerous issues including; abandonment issues, low self esteem, anger, jealousy, and resentment. It's taken a lot of years just to identify a lot of these and will take more years to resolve if I ever do. 

I hope I never become one of those people who think they have all of the answers and stand up on their soap box preaching even though they've got skeletons in their closet they still havent cleaned out. Preaching to their brothers and sisters about living like Christ when they are only a shell of what he represented. I believe to truly be a leader and to live like Christ is so far from our imagination that the book of revelations is presented as a fact that will happen instead of a warning of what will come if we don't heal our earth and humanity. For someone to even begin to put their feet in those shoes they would have to shed all of society. They would have to not care about any possessions, perception, political correctness, money, power, esteem, greed, or peace. They would have to spend every day as a selfless desciple of humanity. Spreading the word of love, giving, sharing, and meditation. They would have to be able to walk into a room of white suprmecists and exclaim with excitement and love of how they love people of color and differences. These days I hear so much political correctness and perception and very little honesty and reality. I can barely be honest with my wife about my thoughts of infidelity and the acknowledgement that my flesh is weak. I'm only saying that we should live our lives every day with love, compassion, and humbleness instead of greed, judgementalness, and ego. Our economic system is Capitalism but why do we make that our way of life? It's because we worship money instead of a clean heart. If we spent our lives trying to reach a place where we have peace of mind and heart and less time reaching wealth, power, and esteem we could all work together to achieve a global connection. I didnt even mention war! If I could leave you with anything today it would be with the hope that instead of thinking you are the answer remember one simple thing. You do not have all of the answers so "Lead and be led".

We're not family (poetry)

Besides music i have no abilities. Maybe its my disabilities, but not my lack of credibility. Maybe its my over abundance of humility. Or how this playa ran the whole facilities. I cant believe you brotherfucked me like i was a fool. We'll never be family were destined to be adversaries cause you used me like a tool. But you cant cause me ills cause i wrote this program for scoundrels like you. Ill write a sql query and like a old log ill truncate you. Your the student and im not only the teacher im the entire school.


Retribution is not in my dna, calling you out on the social network was a fraction of what i could have said. Vendictive doesnt dwell in these streets im half tempted to explain. Fuck it you dont know me by now youll never know me. If caring about people and treating others like you want to be treated was cool, id be a dr. But using people, political correctness, "just business", are terms we worship in this society even though its not cool. I could weave an entire web, i dont care what you call it your full of shit and tit for tat its complicated. I dont care if you weave it, put it in a spindle or a spool.

Lead with me (poetry)

My life Is unfolding, Lets hope I'm not as fragile as a camping chair. I have my moments but I'm good no great at fittin components. I could crush my opponents, but I guess that's where you'll say I'm pretty square. Wait I meant kinda never mind you can't keep up with me sometimes life is bizarre. I remember this night at a bar never mind I remember every night. I'm like jaws catching information even when I'm spacin and you think I'm doing nothing but relaxin. I'll never go einhorn tossing pedacter. I'm not even a good actor I leave that to my son. The sun comes out every day. I don't need it to be sunny to have a good day. Come chill with me you'll see what I mean I work with people nobody should work or bow down to me. We all have a job I'm just the only one that didn't become a snob. Wait there is a few else. They're my peers I'd never treat people like elves. Dwarfs, or minis, or could you imagine a hobbit. But don't pretend you can hang in the ring with me I'm not competitive. I'm deranged don't follow me. Come lead with me. People will have to listen to what we say I'm not perfect you can decide whether you want to be able to obey the one law. Treat everyone how you want to be treated, more specifically, hold yourself accountable and you can help lead mankind eternally.